Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 

God speaks to us all in so many ways. He most often speaks to us in prayer and through the reading of his word. But, He can also speak to us through the people He has placed around us in our lives and even through our dreams. Lately, I think my favorite way that God has chosen to speak to me is through my child. He’s taught me lessons through my son that have been life-changing for me, shifting my heart forever. 

Take this Halloween, for instance. While taking my son trick or treating with a group of friends, God spoke clearly to me. As we set off around the neighborhood, he told me adamantly that he did not need me to bring his stroller. I should have used my mother’s intuition and realized that a three-year-old wouldn't be able to keep up with all the others as we walked over two miles. But, I let him convince me that he could be a big boy and hang with the older kids. 

When we were about half way through, he began to get so tired that it caused him to fall behind. He wanted badly to keep up with the older kids but he just couldn’t. I tried to hurry him along so we could catch up, even skipping out on some of the houses along the way to make our way closer to the group. Because of all the rushing, he no longer enjoyed the moment. The joy he had when we were leisurely walking and enjoying our time together was gone because we were trying so hard to keep up with everyone else. It was in that instant that I clearly heard God's voice. 

So many of us do this very same thing in life with the seasons we face. We try to rush through times that might not seem as important as what we think our next season will look like and we don’t enjoy the small things along the way because we are so focused on what’s next. We also battle the mindset of “Keeping up with the Joneses.” God reminded me how we often compare our lives, seasons, or walk with God with other people who surround us because we think our journeys should look exactly the same. But, nothing could be further from the truth. 

As Baxley and I began to slow down again and just enjoy being on the journey together, we laughed so hard that I could see the joy and life brimming out of him once again. Once we made it back to our starting point, all the kids began to compare candy and I noticed that Baxley didn’t have some of the same goody bags as the others. One of the moms described the house they got it from and I realized it was a house we skipped when we were trying to catch up. Because we were trying so hard to keep up with everyone else, we missed out on some of the bigger treat bags. The way we trick-or-treated that night is a great picture of how many of us spend our lives. 

When we try to speed up the season that we are in, we can miss the blessings that God has lined up for us because we are rushing instead of turning our attention to what He is trying to do in our lives. 

As I reflected on our night, it reminded me to choose joy and thankfulness in every season, every situation, and in every circumstance as I look for God and what he is trying to teach me. His timing is perfect, His hand in our lives is perfect, and all we have to do is remain in His will and allow Him to guide every step we take. 

Friends, find a clock. There always seems to be one nearby these days...take note of the time. Write it down. From this point forward, your life will never be the same. I am not here to sell you something or convince you of anything. I just want to shed light on some simple concepts that have changed the way I perceive life. You see, the fact is, our minds, bodies, and souls are constantly changing and it is up to us to decide the direction they will take.

Have you ever heard the saying “You can't teach an old dog new tricks?” This statement implies that, as we age, we lose the ability to gain new skills. But, scientifically that’s just not true. The way that God designed our brains is amazing! They have an awesome ability to create new behaviors at any age. With enough repetition, these behaviors become automatic. Driving, tying your shoes, and riding a bike are examples of complicated behaviors that have become second nature to us because neural pathways have formed around them. In terms of repetition, it is estimated that it takes 10,000 repetitions to master a skill and develop the associated neural pathway and it takes 3–6 months for a new behavior to become a habit. 

Like our brains, the rest of our bodies are constantly changing also. Look at how you have changed over the years. Your body is the sum of food and exercise choices you have made over time. According to Janice Polansky, MS, MBA, food provides us with more than the sum of its nutrients - protein, carbohydrates, fat, vitamins, and minerals.  Food is condensed and transformed energy. So every food choice you make has not only impacted you physically, but mentally as well. Think back to a time when you splurged on some dessert after a large meal. In the moment it was great, but afterward you felt stuffed and miserable. At the other end of the spectrum, think to a time when you made an effort to eat healthier and felt great afterwards. The same goes for exercise - the more effort you put in, the better the results will be. We all know exercise and physical activity are great ways to feel better, boost your health and have fun. 

What does all this good information have to do with your faith? It’s just this: your spirituality is tied to your mental and physical health. Most researchers agree that there is a positive relationship between religious and spiritual practices and better health outcomes. In the same way that our food choices, exercise routines, and behaviors affect our bodies, our spiritual practices affect our bodies as well. Neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, MD, says "The more you focus on something — whether that's math or auto racing or football or God — the more that becomes your reality, the more it becomes written into the neural connections of your brain.” 

Feel like you’ve learned something today? Good! There’s a way we Christ followers can apply this in our every day. 

“Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come.” 
2 Corinthians 5:17 

What does this verse mean for us? When we make the choice to follow Christ, we not only become a new creation, but the choices and mistakes of our past don’t determine who we are today. This doesn’t mean that the cheeseburger you ate for lunch won't affect your body, or that you will be free of that credit card bill from your retail therapy habit, or that everything in your life will be sparkles and rainbows from now on. But, it does mean that your past sins, your old way of thinking, your old beliefs, are made new in Christ. You are now a son or daughter of the Most High King. You are a part of a larger family, one without race, gender, or social divides. And with that family comes the power to be the person God has called you to be.  

So take this time to make some changes for the good of yourself from this moment forward. Here are some 2021 challenges we could all benefit from:

• Make time for God everyday - go to your secret place and meet with Him.

• Start exercising - aim for 150 minutes a week!

• Choose healthier food - eat more of what God made and less processed food. 

• Expand your mental state - learn at least one thing new every day.  

Just by making small changes daily, over time you will notice a change in your mind, body, and soul. 

Before we can put any of that into practice, there’s one important thing you must do or the rest of your efforts are in vain. If you have not decided to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, find someone to talk to about doing just that. You can email amen@boldcitychurch.com or text “Decision” to 860-850-BOLD to talk to someone at Bold City Church! Make salvation your first change and you’ll never regret it! 

Who else loves road trips? I mean really loves a good, adventurous vacation? I do!

Honestly, it really doesn’t matter to me if I’m headed to a place just two hours from home or setting off on an adventure for ten hours or more, just the thought of getting in a loaded down vehicle with those I love most makes me smile! It gets me excited just thinking about the adventures that await us as we gear up and head out. 

Will we possibly try a new route? Maybe we will miss our exit and discover something new! I know that probably drives some of you crazy, but I love the sense of adventure it brings. Or maybe we’ll be taking the same route as we have many times before and the trip will be a chance to relax as we head to our destination. This time, I might even stop at a new cafe or, my personal favorite, discover a new coffee shop that turns out to be incredible! (I discovered the most delicious cinnamon hazelnut latte you’ll ever have the pleasure of tasting in Beaufort, South Carolina once...but that’s a story for another time.) 

Whether it’s my annual trip up to the Smoky Mountains or just a few days right on the beach a little closer to home, I’m all about the journey. You see, it’s the actual process that gets me to my destination that I love. Don’t get me wrong, we need to get to our destination - without it, we will lose our focus! But, I think more often life is about the journey. 

 “Life is a journey, not a destination.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson 

While our destination is important and the goal of where we are headed, we should remember that joy is found in the journey...breathe in the journey! 

You’ve probably read all the bumper stickers and heard all the quotes...but still it remains true - life itself is a journey. It will be full of encounters, twists and unexpected turns in the road. We’ll face hills and valleys and we may even trip and fall along the way. After all, rarely is this journey called life “easy.” At some points, we may even find our faith challenged. In times like this, there is a verse I’ve often turned to in 1 Peter in The Message translation: 

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ’s sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It’s because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.
1 Peter 1:18-21 MSG 

There is a destination in front of us that is beyond our imagination, that is truly indescribable! But until then, I choose to enjoy this life journey with God. I’ll travel along wherever He leads me, overshadowed by His presence, following his lead, knowing it’s never perfect by any means, but that He establishes my steps. I think back on life and I like to think this path I’ve walked with Him for so many years, this journey I’ve been on, has reaped a bit of a harvest along the way. I’m grateful for all He has led me through and what He will lead me to! 

I think of all the sweet memories I’ve made while on journeys: Maybe we were being silly singing along with whatever is playing on the “Oldies'' station or eating way too many snacks in the car. I think back on the time we were at a rest stop and I met someone new and started chatting about where they were headed as I found out that we have common interests and created an unlikely friendship. (I’m laughing even now as I think about the look on my sister’s face! She is truly embarrassed that I will stop and chat with just about anyone.) I love thinking back on all the wonderful friends and family members that have joined me on so many adventures! Oh what crazy and wonderful times I’ve had. 

When we recognize that our lives are not just a literal journey, but a spiritual one we all must go on, we can see the places God has given us to have influence. When we sow seed into the lives we have influence over on this journey, including those we love and those that we come across along the way, we have an opportunity to share the gospel. In your journey, don’t forget the destination and remember at every stop to be a light that reflects the good and loving Father who set you on your path. And if you think your journey is over, find hope in knowing that the Father can do abundantly more than anything we could ask, think or imagine! Perhaps He’s not finished with you and your journey has only just begun. 

Recommended listening:  “Hills and Valleys” by Tauren Wells 

“So now the case is closed. There remains no accusing voice of condemnation against those who are joined in life-union with Jesus, the Anointed One. For the “law” of the Spirit of life flowing through the anointing of Jesus has liberated us from the “law” of sin and death. For God achieved what the law was unable to accomplish, because the law was limited by the weakness of human nature. Yet God sent us his Son in human form to identify with human weakness. Clothed with humanity, God’s Son gave his body to be the sin-offering so that God could once and for all condemn the guilt and power of sin. So now every righteous requirement of the law can be fulfilled through the Anointed One living his life in us. And we are free to live, not according to our flesh, but by the dynamic power of the Holy Spirit!”
Romans 8:1-4 TPT 

Your repentance is valid. 

Have you ever felt a condemning voice coming against you in your life? Maybe it was the last time you lost your temper with your kids, got into a fight with your spouse, broke a promise to yourself or someone else, or went back once again to that same old vice you thought you’d finally given up. 

Your repentance is valid. 

You see, to repent is a sincere sign of remorse. But, it’s also so much more than that. It means to walk away from, to turn, to change direction completely. When you become a Christian, this repentance is validated through the life and death of Christ Jesus. When we ask for forgiveness, it is immediately extended to us by our Father in Heaven. Forgiveness from the Father moves faster than the speed of light. It’s why He’s so insistent that we be forgiving, too. 

But, even after we repent and forgiveness is fully given, we still feel...well, bad. Why is that? What is that feeling that makes us feel yet still distant from God if it’s true that He’s already forgiven us the second we thought about true repentance? We feel separated. 

Therein lies our great cosmic conundrum; the mystery of the human condition. Sin separates us from God in His holiness and Satan uses the tool of shame to drive home the point of our ineptitude and all our failures. As the enemy of our souls, he wants us to be in league with him, separated from our Heavenly Father. Luckily, God knew this is where we would find ourselves, so He left us a few reminders just in case (undoubtedly when) we forget. 

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39 NLT

Maybe it’s because I’ve always had a penchant for justice (somewhere my Mom has a photo of me on career day in Pre-K in which all the other kids were teachers, firefighters…ya’ know, great, normal jobs for a toddler to be thinking about; I was dressed up like Sandra Day O’Conner) but this verse gives me a vision of Satan and his demons like a team of attorneys with the worst losing record in history. It’s as if they spend all their time in the court of heavenly appeals, to no avail.

You see, against me, God’s child, the CASE IS CLOSED. The second you and I decided to live a life of repentance, we won. It’s like the best plea deal in the universe. As soon as we can come to the end of ourselves and realize our helpless spiritual nature without God, we can admit guilt and walk into unfettered freedom, never looking back. The thing that’s trying to condemn and shame us might as well have never happened. The record of our guilt has been expunged, wiped clean, utterly forgotten. 

The enemy has no standing. His grounds for continuation are unsubstantiated. His objections are overruled. Whatever motion to proceed he might consider filing next already has the stamp of denial on it...because JESUS. 

Best of all, God remembers this. We are the ones who forget who we are and what we’ve won in Christ Jesus. Maybe we’re more like the sheep Jesus often compared us to in Scripture than we realize - forgetful creatures that need a shepherd to guide them to safety, community, and shelter. (John 10:11-15, Matthew 18:12-14) 

I see a picture of Jesus, our Great Shepherd, telling us to turn around, repent, decide to turn the other direction from the sin that seeks to bind us. He’s warning us off, “Don’t walk back into the courtroom, child. I’ve already shown up in your place. You don’t even have to show your face here.” 

Don’t give Satan the dignity of condemning yourself when the priceless, precious, holy blood of Jesus has already covered your conviction. The sentence has been served. 

The tool of the enemy is to tempt you into sin, not to stop there, but to shame you. The very second the act is done - as soon as the fit of rage is over, right after you send the text or close your web browser, the moment the words you would give anything to take back escape your lips - he sends in the demonic forces of shame. 

“I can’t believe you did that. Who says that? What kind of ‘Christian’ are you anyway? Do you even love God? What would the people at your church say if they saw you right now? Best to not even go back. Just. Give. Up.” 

It’s a shame lie. And he does this all the time. Same story, different day. Same tool, different tactics. This lie is meant to trap you in a pattern of sin and self-loathing. But, all the while, Jesus is reminding us, with love in His eyes, that the price has been paid. Simply ask and your repentance validates your acceptance. You are free to go, child. 

As I see this picture more clearly in my mind, I envision the God of Heaven and Earth standing up from His Heavenly judge’s seat in His celestial courts turning to leave because the evidence is clear, as Satan frantically screams “Just one more thing!” But, Jesus steps between them as He joins His Heavenly Father, walking away our Victor, having won the case again. Satan is thrown out of the court and back into the bellows of hell for his contempt, where you and I will not be joining him. Case closed. 

There are many types of boundaries in life - most with a great and specific purpose. For instance, physical boundaries keep our bodies safe and whole, emotional boundaries keep our mind from being overburdened and overwhelmed, and professional boundaries help ensure that we adhere to a moral code without letting our work lives bleed too much into our home lives. But, the thing about the boundaries we create is - they end up defining who we are. They enforce the limits of what we will and will not do and they draw the lines so that others will do the same. 

Have you ever been through a time when it seemed like life was coming at you from all directions and the weight of it could almost crush you? Have you ever felt pulled in so many different directions that, surely, you would just be torn to pieces? Most especially in a season of business, the demands of life can make it seem like you are spiraling through your days completely alone and they often try to pull you from the one person that can provide you the strength and peace you long for - the Holy Spirit.

You see, Jesus himself created boundaries.  He knew that the only way to carry out His purpose was to stay aligned with His Heavenly Father through a personal and consistent relationship. He often got alone to pray (Mark 1:35) and encouraged the disciples to do so as well. (Matthew 6:6) He rested even in the midst of chaos (Mark 4:38) and allowed others to come to Him instead of chasing after them. (John 10:40-41)

What if you could give yourself the gift of setting healthy boundaries this holiday season? A lot of us second guess our boundary setting capabilities. We think...what if I say “No?” What if someone reeaally needs me? What if no one else will do it? 

But, Jesus had far more resting on His shoulders than you or I will ever experience, and yet He set boundaries with joy in His heart, peace in His soul, and a calmness that permeated through Him to those around Him.

Jesus also allowed others to take part in their own healing - a great example to us that we can equip those around us, but they too must do their part. In John chapter 9, we encounter a blind man who must venture to the pool of Siloam where he was to wash the mud from his eyes. (John 9:5-7) Jesus didn’t actually wash the man’s eyes for him. He simply instructed him what to do and the rest was up to the man.

You might be struggling with saying “no” today, but I would encourage you to reframe your thinking. What if instead, you said “yes” to freedom from being at the mercy of others? What if you had time to be listening and available when the Holy Spirit urges you to move? What if, by not doing something, you give someone else the opportunity to walk in what God is calling them to do?

When we understand who we are in Christ and Him alone, we can begin to understand that our identity is not determined by how much we do, how many people we help, or how successful we are in our careers. Placing Godly boundaries in our life doesn’t limit us at all, but setting boundaries actually brings us closer in relationship with the One who most deeply desires us.

Have you ever been asked to lead a team at work or as a volunteer that requires a high level of creativity? If so, you may have felt on occasion like you were herding cats. You see, unseen creatives can compound that experience, often taking the form of technically-minded introverts, expected to be the first ones in and last ones out without ever taking the platform or standing in the spotlight. But, care must be taken when leading such a team, lest you become a revolving door, losing people as fast as you take them in.

Unseen teams, at their core, are facilitators. Over the years, I’ve picked up on a few lessons that have helped me foster “ride or die” teams filled with people who are better at what they do than I am. I want to share two of these game-changers with you.

Let me tell you Mark’s story. 

Mark has been far from God his whole life...but today’s different. He finds himself walking down to the altar, stepping out in faith. The message compelled him to action and for the first time in his life, he feels the tangible presence of God calling him home.  On his knees, he gives himself to Christ. The music swells as he closes his eyes and begins to worship his heavenly father. A few verses in, Mark realizes he doesn’t quite remember the words to the next part of the song… not knowing what to do next, Mark opens his eyes.

Thankfully for Mark, Alex has his back. Hidden off stage, Alex is attentively leading the lyrics for the service. As Mark’s eyes focus, he’s immediately greeted with just what he needs to step back into his life-changing moment with his Heavenly Father.

Mark might have lost the moment had it not been for Alex. Because of Alex’s servant heart, she played a pivotal role in facilitating Mark’s life-changing story.

I’ve shared this story more times than I can remember, and I share it every time I bring on a new visuals controller to join our team at Bold City Church. Once they understand their opportunity to facilitate a supernatural encounter, it sets the bar for ministry and helps them understand the great stewardship expected of them. Giving your unseen teams something worth investing in is one of the most powerful tools for attracting potential leaders. And I do mean leaders.

In order to build a strong unseen team, before skillset is considered, we must first set out with the goal of building a team of servant leaders truly bought into your vision. This is true at home, at work, on any team, and for us, at church! This is the very model Jesus imparted:

“...You will lead by a completely different model. The greatest one among you will live as the one who is called to serve others, 27 because the greatest honor and authority is reserved for the one with the heart of a servant. 28 For even the Son of Man did not come expecting to be served by everyone, but to serve everyone, and to give his life in exchange for the salvation of many.”
Matthew 20: 26-28 TPT 

The second game-changer in building an unseen team is investing as much in their spiritual development as you do in their skillset. This pays great dividends in the long term and will help you turn a team showing up out of obligation into a ferocious team ready to invest in an opportunity. The heart has to come first.

Constantly fostering your team’s secret place is paramount. Maybe you don’t work on a church staff like I do. But, perhaps God can give you an opportunity to pray for your employees or teammates. Pray for chances to influence your team with the love of God and you won’t regret it. 

Once the heart is anchored and the focus is set, the hands will be at the ready. Out of that foundation, your team will naturally begin to explode and instead of herding cats, you will find yourself unleashing a unified creative force for good in the world.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2

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I recently came across a video clip from a well-known, widely popular news source and in the closing of this particular segment I was watching, the anchor ended with this statement;

“If you believe in one another, and if you do the right thing for yourself and your community, things will get better in this country. You don’t need help from above. It’s within us.”

As I listened to his words, I felt a pang in my chest. Seeing and hearing a statement like this broadcasting through the airwaves in our country gave such a clear representation of the cultural climate we’re living in. As I thought more about it, I realized his soundbite brought to light two things that didn’t sit well within me:

• The blatant disregard of our need for God. 

  As this particular anchor said, “We don’t need help from above,” and proceeded to point upwards, my initial thought was the scripture above from Psalm 121. As Christ-followers, we not only recognize our deep and desperate need for God, but we also place our trust in Him wholeheartedly. We depend on Him in every sense of our being. Our help actually does come from above. Not only is calling on God through prayer the lifeline of the believer, but it is blasphemy to suggest that there is any other reality. 

“And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” 
Matthew 12:32-33

The problem is, this wasn’t just a singular statement from one person’s paradigm. More and more, this is the perspective of a vast population all around the world. One of the greatest lies the enemy tries to convince us of is that we can do this alone, that we are somehow self-sufficient apart from God’s unconditional love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and provision. 

Droves of people have believed the lie that they can get through this life in their own strength and abilities and because of that, sacrificed the blessing of walking in all that God has for them. Instead of living “more-than” lives, they settle for “just enough.” But, because they don’t have an existing relationship with Jesus, many of them don’t recognize the void deep within them that only He can fill. Instead, they attempt to fill that void with anything and everything that makes them happy. 

Isn’t happiness the goal? To do what makes you, as an individual, happy and fulfilled? It doesn’t actually matter how you go about accomplishing that as long as “you do you” and follow your heart, right? That’s the second part of the lie the enemy whispers in our ear. He inundates us with messages of self-love as the pathway to true and lasting happiness. Satan suggests this is the way to “find yourself” and never have to make apologies along the way. But, that message is contrary to the one that Scripture teaches us.

Matthew 16:24 says, “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.’” This means that all of those selfish desires and ambitions are to be denied if they don’t edify and honor and serve Him. 

We have to be so aware of our complete and utter dependence on Jesus that everything we say and do reflects that. Even when everything we read and watch tells us otherwise, we have a responsibility to call out what is false even if it’s popular because what is popular isn’t always what’s true. 

• The thought that we alone can be the difference.

There is a belief that it is “within us,” as the broadcaster claimed in this anchor tag. You know what is actually in us? Deceitful hearts. Sinful nature. Selfish motives. None of which would bring us any closer to peace if given the chance in our own abilities. We see the chaos of the world currently all because people want to solve issues that are much bigger than themselves by themselves. It doesn’t work. 

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” 
Jeremiah 17:9

What people sometimes miss is that we are all sinners who have fallen short and who have to turn from sin daily. There is no good in us outside of God. You never arrive to a coveted level of sinlessness where you can do no wrong and the entire purpose of your existence is to serve yourself. The world preaches that you are what matters most and therefore you can do it all, have it all and be it all and you don’t need anyone else to do it. As Christians, we know that to be completely untrue and, truth be told, entirely unappealing. I don’t want to do anything apart from God. I know that when the hard times come and the darkness is suffocating, He is the one who will equip me for battle because there is no good in me. 

“For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
Romans 7:18

I don't’ know where you are in life right now. I don’t know what your relationship with Jesus looks like. I don’t know if you’ve fully embraced your need for Him. What I do know is that the promises of God are “yes and amen” and that the countenance of God is unchanging. 

He is for you. 

He is with you.

He is your protector.

He is your refuge.

He is your strength.

He is your peace.

He is your friend.

He is the lover of your soul. 

He knows exactly what you need when you need it and He is faithful. He has covered your past, protects your present, and has more than enough grace waiting in your future if you’ll choose Him. 

If there’s one thing I have learned in ministry that I empathize and relate to the most...it’s that a lot of us are walking around with father wounds. Not a week goes by in my role as a Connections Pastor that I don’t have a conversation with someone about depression, anxiety, relationship issues, substance abuse and more roadblocks, especially around the holidays! I’ve often found that the culprit is an unresolved and deep hurt or a complete lack of relationship with their earthly father. That lingering hurt can manifest itself in so many different ways. But, at the root of all of it, we all crave a father that loves us unconditionally. We were created to want a father to tell us he’s proud of us and to accept us even with all of our faults and shortcomings.

I can speak to this because I’m a product of divorce. My parents broke up when I was two years old, so I never was able to see a mom and dad in a loving, healthy marriage (that’s another blog for another day). I went to ten different schools, yes ten, growing up. My mom mostly raised me and my younger brother and we would see my dad about every other weekend. He was a good father, for the most part. He never abused us and was physically around most of the time. 

That’s important to note because most of us understand the ills and trauma that come from having an abusive or absent father. But, I read a book on parenting once that introduced me to a third option, “Anonymous,” and it completely shifted my thinking. While my father wasn’t abusive or absent, he was definitely anonymous. One definition of anonymous is “lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction.” My dad was there physically, but he was never there emotionally. He never said things like “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” He never showed me how to treat a woman one day. He was truly an anonymous father. Through the years, I have learned I am not alone in having an emotionally absent dad. Many of us have grown up with these types of fathers and experienced this hurt. 

If that’s you, I have good news to share! Whether you grew up with an abusive, absent, anonymous parent or even if you had none of those and your dad was amazing, we all have access to a Heavenly Father that loves us beyond what we can fathom.

William Paul Young, the author of The Shack (amazing book on forgiveness by the way, yet another blog for another day) said the following: “My relationship, for example, with my father -- very difficult, and very painful. It took me 50 years to wipe the face of my father off of the face of God.” 

How many of us continue to do that today? We take our relationship with our father, whether good or bad, and we place his character onto the character of God. But, our earthly fathers, even the great ones, pale in comparison to our Heavenly Father. In fact, you can’t even compare them at all. The Bible says we are all evil compared to God! Jesus gave us a glimpse of this in Matthew Chapter 7. 

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11

The Bible records two times where God speaks directly to Jesus in an audible voice. The first time is in Matthew 3:16-17. God says, “This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” The second instance is recorded in Matthew 17:5 when Jesus took Peter, James and John to a mountain to speak to God. This time God says, “This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Sound familiar? God says the exact same thing in two entirely different instances. I personally believe that these weren’t the only two times God said this to Jesus. I believe this is something He would say over and over, because that’s the kind of Father He is. He’s the kind of Father that will constantly give us these three things; acceptance (you’re my son/daughter), adoration (whom I love) and affirmation (I’m well pleased with you). 

So whether your dad was always there for you physically and emotionally, you had an absent father (which sadly applies to 1 in 4 children in our country right now), an abusive father, or anonymous father, know this: You have a Heavenly Father that loves you more than you can ever imagine. He wants to take all your pain and hurt and heal you completely. Why? So that you walk in freedom and purpose. So that you can find other hurting brothers and sisters and lead them to the only Father that can truly give us what our heart longs for.

Here’s a worship song to help you enter into God’s presence today and lean on Him to be your Heavenly Father: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQOcUizZuQ

The first thing you must know is that I was a tried and true church kid growing up. Like if you click the hashtag #churchkidz, my face would probably pop up. During that time in my childhood, I was involved in something called RA’s (Royal Ambassadors) and we would have periodic track and field days and other outdoor activities. My favorite part of all this was race day. You see, I was prepared for race day. I was excited for race day. I had all the gear: shoes, sweat bands, running shorts, everything you need! And I thought I was truly ready. Come to find out, I wasn’t even prepared.

We got to the starting line. As the whistle blew, I took off running! But, about halfway through the race, I started to get a cramp and I didn’t get to finish. Anti-climatic story, I know. But, it taught me something. One thing I can tell you for sure that no one celebrates is not finishing something you started. No one is happy to leave a story untold, a goal unaccomplished. 

You might not be stretching your hamstrings for your next track and field day, but we’re all in a race of some kind! Everyone’s race is set at a different pace. Some of us are lazy and some of us are unaware of the goal and purpose of our lives. Some of us are even busy running the wrong race. All the while, the world around us is also racing - trying to see how fast and how much they can accumulate and gather up for themselves. 

It’s important to know your lane as a believer and run the race that is marked out for you!

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. 
Colossians 4:2 NIV 

For example, let’s look at the apostle Paul’s race. Paul (then Saul) was busy killing Christians until Jesus saved him and then he went everywhere telling people this good news of Jesus. He faced extreme difficulties as a result of that. Even still, he often cautioned believers to remind themselves, as he did, of what Christ Jesus saved them from. 

“You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus. And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” 
Acts 20:20-24 NIV

Good news is not good news because someone else told me about it...it’s good news because it changed me! Paul knew he was graced to run his race. And you are graced to run yours! 

How was he able to do this? Paul stayed thankful. He was committed to finishing his race with a spirit of gratitude and thanks. 

I don’t know your circumstances. But, I do know it can be hard to keep a posture of a grateful and thankful heart when life’s difficulties come calling. Here’s a few ways you can make sure you finish it thankful this year like Paul. 

1. Keep perspective (never get over being saved) 

If you want to remain thankful heading into the end of 2020, remind yourself what He saved you from. I was saved at a young age, but I still got the revelation that God could save me from what I haven’t even gotten to yet! 

You see, God is the Author and Finisher. This means that God has written the course of your life. Now you have a choice to stay on that course or run away from it. And yet, God is so good that He can redeem our bad choices that derail us and put us right back on course. He even knows where the finish line is.

The amazing part of all this is that God also doesn’t choose to run our race for us! In fact, Jesus came and ran His own race that we all should have had to run. But He did it instead so that we could be graced to race in our own lane for his glory. Your race is unique. It’s not about finishing first. It’s about finishing well. One way to do that, is to finish it thankful. 

Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first. 

 “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.” 
Matthew 20:16 NLT 

“Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadow boxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NLT

2. Know that it’s not trying...it’s training. 

Thankfulness isn’t something we just come by naturally, unfortunately. You don’t TRY it and have it, you TRAIN for it and express it.

Our training is different in the spiritual realm than athletes in the natural. Our training is not duty, but devotion. But, devotion does not come without discipline. Don’t abandon (quit) the race, because you won’t be thankful!

3. Get the right people in your life.

I’m not running a lot of footraces anymore like I did as a kid, but my friends know that I am an avid cyclist. If you’re passionate about the sport like I am, you know that there is a significant difference between cycling alone and cycling as a group. This is because of the concept of drafting.

Drafting is when a group of riders of three or more will ride in a single file line. The farther back you are, the easier it is to ride because you’re relying on the team in front of you to take the brunt of the wind working against you. Also, copying the rhythm of another rider’s pedal helps you to stay in cadence and in step as a team.

It’s crucial when riding together that everyone does their part and the benefit of thinking as a team and supporting one another can’t be overstated. But, when you get out of pace with the rest of the group, it not only slows you down, but it impacts the rest of the group as well. Now, everyone has to work harder. You need a team.

Trust me, when you’re about eighty miles into a bike race and you’re all alone, you’ll probably want to quit. You’ll question your endurance and start to feel like you’re in the wrong place. But, if you have a team around you encouraging you and supporting you, you’ll go a lot farther than you could’ve gone alone.

So don’t run your race alone! The people you run with will help you to finish thankful. You can’t live the right way with the wrong people! I’d rather be in the wrong place with the right people than to be in the right place with the wrong people.

Just take a look at Paul and Silas. They ended up in prison cells, and yet God used their trial for His glory because they knew how to praise and thank their way out of their circumstances. I don’t know where you find yourself today, but surround yourself with people who know how to be thankful in the good times and the bad. 

“Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.”
Colossians 3:15–17

4. STAY IN THE WORD OF GOD!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”
Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT

We run with endurance by keeping our eyes on Jesus. To do that, we have to be in the word of God to have a life of endurance! You can’t know God's will (course for your life) if you don’t know God's word.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

You won’t be walking in God’s will for your life and not be thankful! For the Christian who doesn’t know the importance of a grateful spirit, it’s time to adjust your course if you are not choosing to express thankfulness today.

Be thankful at the start. 
Thankfulness will get you through the middle.
And finishing the race is only worth it when you do it thankful!

I have learned that more often than not, I don’t need my situation to change to be thankful. Instead, I choose thankfulness and it changes me until I myself begin to get better. And that’s what God was wanting for me all along.

I pray you find the strength and grace to remain thankful for the rest of 2020, no matter what circumstances may come, as this is God’s will for your race! 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I prayed. I believed. I quoted scripture. But the answer was still no. 

See, I’ve been told “No” in my life - by my mom, my boss, even my kids on occasion. But when God said no, it crushed me.

On May 12, 1997, five hours after her last doctor's visit, my wife died. She was twenty-eight and our son was only fourteen months old. We were the new youth pastors in a new city with our whole life to live. When cancer gripped her body, we tightened our grip on God. For eight months, we pressed in and claimed the promises of God. We believed with all our heart that God would heal her. But the reality of God’s answer came as we locked eyes that day and she stepped into eternity with the Lord. In that moment, everything inside of me died. I was crushed. 

So, how do you respond when God’s answer to your prayer is a resounding “no?” My life was shaken to the core: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The waves of sorrow, anger, and doubt fueled both my desire for more of God and my confusion over why in the world He would say no and allow her to die. I felt like I had failed her, failed at my faith, and failed God, because it was not supposed to end like this. But, I would soon learn that with God…there is always more to the story. 

As I stared into the unknown of what my life would become and felt the heavy weight of being a single parent, the Lord comforted me and called me out of the cold empty darkness of my grief and regret. Healing was a process of working through my hurts and grudges towards God. God’s presence, scripture, and my church family reminded me that I wasn’t alone. I remember telling God, “What do I do now? My best friend is gone.” His response not only shook me, it captivated me. Our Heavenly Father said, “Randy, I thought I was your best friend.” 

I have learned that God’s no often means that God knows. The Lord has an answer for all your questions, because He has all the facts. When I criticized God for not healing my wife, His response was simple, “But, I did. I gave her the ultimate healing; she is with me.” It was in that moment that I realized God has no obligation to do things my way. Every believer in Christ should know the four main answers God gives to our prayers: yes, no, not yet, and not me (meaning this is your responsibility). Each answer has a purpose, because God knows there is more to your story. 

When God said no to my prayer, I began to re-examine His promises. What did God really say and mean? I found there is more to faith than getting what you want. After God said no, instead of giving up, I pressed in and eventually got a greater revelation of my perspective, trust, source, and desire - what I call a case of godly PTSD! Perspective is about seeing the bigger picture with God, because His ways are not our ways. Trust is about being all-in with God, no matter what happens. It is about acknowledging His ways and not leaning on your own understanding. Source is about relying on God, not yourself. Finally, Desire is about wanting what God wants and realizing He should have first place in your life.* It took time, but I realized that God knows how to work it all out. 

The night my wife died is etched in my memory forever. With the paramedics, police, and funeral home attendants going in and out of my house, my pastor showed up and spoke a comforting, honest, and timely word to me. “Randy, I don’t know why this is happening, but I know Who will get you through it all,” he said. He quoted Mark 9:49 which tells us that every Christian’s life will be salted with fire. And that fire will refine and strengthen you. As painful as that experience was, God’s “No” did not mean that He was giving up on me. 

Because God knows what is next. During this same season, a beautiful woman named Gina was also grieving the death of her beloved husband and God’s apparent “No.” In time, she would move to my city and attend our church. Our friendship has turned into an amazing twenty-years of marriage. She adopted our son and raised him as her own. She is great friends with my first wife’s mom and has been intentional about helping our son know as much about his mother as possible. We are partners in ministry, and together we have a daughter. God’s “no” means that God knows what is next and will work it out, even if we never fully understand how or why.

Maybe God is saying no to you today because He knows more about your story than you do.

*Isaiah 55:8-9, Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:13 and Matthew 24:13, Colossians 3:1-2 and Philippians 2:5-9