What qualities do you value most in a friend? I think your friendships make or break you. In fact, a recent Harvard study even concluded that people who isolated themselves are three times more likely to have an early death. 

Yes, anyone who has ever thrived in community can attest to the fact that friendships and relationships are a necessary component to a healthy life.

You see, I believe each of us have three types of friends: 

• Casual friends - you don’t know much about them and they come and go. 

• Close friends - you have more in common, love to hang out, and there is a meaningful connection. 

• Core friends - these are the in-it-to-the-end friends; the ones you trust, invest with, drop your guard around, and give total access to your life. 

In I Samuel 23:14-18, David needs an in-it-to-the-end friend. Although our core friendships may be few, all it takes is one to be a difference maker. Jonathan rises up to be this for David and demonstrates five qualities of a true friend for life! 

1. True friends are faithful, as we read in verse 16 of this story. Jonathan did not back off with David when times got rough. He willingly pressed in, strengthened David, and was faithful to their friendship. Faithful friends are dependable friends you can count on that stick closer than a brother, like Proverbs 18:24 mentions.  

2. If we continue reading in verse 17, we see that true friends are encouraging. Jonathan tells David not to fear. Encouragers don’t ignore the reality, but they do refocus on what is positive and how to strengthen a friend to overcome adversity. Hebrews 13:13 says encourage one another daily, so none of you will become hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. 

3. True friends are helpful. Jonathan tells David in this story, “I will not let him find you; I will help, support, and be here for my friend.” The writer of Ecclesiastes 4 says if one falls down, his friend can help him up…a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

4. Being sacrificial is part of being a true friend. Jonathan knew David was anointed by God to be the next king. But, he valued their friendship more than his own right to be king. He was willing to risk it all for his friend. Core friendships will cost you time, effort, convenience, comfort, status, and sometimes even money. Jesus says greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friends in John 15:13. This  friendship would eventually cost Jonathan his throne and his life, but he never gave up on David. 

5. True friends are direct. In one of several encounters where Jonathan followed through on his promise to be direct and tell David the truth about his father’s threats, he warns David in I Samuel 20:13. A true friend holds you accountable. I refer to this as “friendship friction:” As  iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17. At times, you need a friend to say the hard and painful truth spoken with love in order to build you up, not tear you down. Proverbs 27:6.

I hope I just described your spouse or your best friend. I hope I just described you. Either way, we all have some work to do, and a goal to strive for in being faithful, encouraging, helpful, sacrificial, and direct true friends. The real value of friendship is not in how many friends you have, but how many of these qualities the friends you keep have.

Give me a friend that will love me until the end, lift me up when I am down, let me in when I am out, labor with me when I am too tired, and let me have it when I am wrong. I only have a few people that know me and love me on that level, but that is enough. One is my amazing wife who is truly my best friend. 

Let me tell you about another: he is someone I met when I was just twelve years old. Forty-two years later, we are more than friends...we are brothers. Through our darkest and brightest moments, through valleys and  mountaintops, we’ve remained friends for life. I think it’s because we’ve strived to model a friendship like Jonathan and David, who exemplified so many times what it means to be a true friend. 

Let’s be honest, this is a hard list for any friend to live up to all the time. And only one ever did. He is the only one who can truly offer you all five qualities and more every second of every day. His name is Jesus...do you know him? He’s the greatest friend you’ll ever know. He laid down his life for you and nothing can separate you from his love. He will always be there for you and all you have to do is reach out and receive. In John 15:15, Jesus says I no longer call you servants, I call you friends. I have chosen you. 

I leave you with this reminder and challenge: if you want a friend for life, then become a friend for life.

Whether you’re a church pastor, a ministry leader, the spiritual leader in your home, or any other kind of believer, I’ve found that the post Easter haze leftover from amazing church services and running from one family celebration to the next can often leave us all with that “What’s next?” feeling. But, I think there are a few things we can do to stay focused on what God is doing as we capitalize on that awesome Easter weekend feeling in the months to come.

For the Lead Pastor:

Celebrate by thanking the Father. 
On the Monday after Easter, I was working in the yard at my house. I spent most of the day just worshiping and thanking the Father for what He had done over the weekend. I don’t know about you, but our church had a lot to celebrate! That’s not a brag on us, but it is a brag on the move of the Holy Spirit!
(Side note: if you feel like nothing happened in your church this weekend to celebrate, please reach out to me. I’d like to encourage you!)

I’ve learned not to jump into the next thing until you’ve celebrated the current thing. Jesus is still in the business of changing people…I saw it firsthand this weekend! That’s worth stopping and celebrating right now! 

Celebrate your team. 
Ministry is 100% a team sport. We can’t do this on our own. I’ve learned that taking the time to thank people, celebrate them, and remind them of what they just invested in goes a long way. When people feel appreciated and part of something bigger than themselves, they look forward to what’s next. I’ve found individual calls, texts, and even 30-second thank you videos from my wife and I mean more than you’d think. Also, taking the time to celebrate and talk about what just happened as a team is huge! I plan to do that at our staff meeting this week. Yes, there is more on the way and we’ve got plenty of ministry in front of us. But, it’s okay to slow down and celebrate before moving on! It keeps our energy up. 

Spend time with your family. 
Most pastors’ families miss out on a lot with the Lead Pastor on Easter weekend. Make sure you take extra time to spend with your wife and kids post Easter. They need it…but you need it as well! My kids refresh my soul (most of the time). I took mine to school late on Monday so we could just lay in bed together that morning. My seven, five, and two-year-old and I talked, laughed, and had a tickle war. We fed our goats together. I made sure I took the girls to school and my two-year-old jumped on the tractor with me to cut the yard. I don’t ever want my wife and kids to feel like they are second to the church. They definitely aren’t and they can’t be. Don’t forget to prioritize them coming out of Easter and they won’t resent the church as they grow. When you do this, your wife won’t feel like she’s the side chick instead of the main chick!

For the Church:

Remember the tomb is still empty.
We should remember daily what we focused on this Easter weekend! That tomb is still empty! Don’t just shout on Easter Sunday about that! Turn everyday into an empty tomb praise party. On your way to work, listen to praise and worship. Write a verse on your mirror in your bathroom that reminds you of the resurrection power you’ve been given access to. Set reminders on your phone that tell you to stop and pray for that same power to move and flow through your life. Take Easter and make it work everyday in your life.

Don’t stop inviting.
At Bold City, we encourage our people to invite like crazy on Easter weekend and they do! But, don’t wait for the “next big service” to invite again. Inviting people into a life-changing relationship with Jesus is what the invite is really about. That should be something we do often, not just occasionally! Don’t stop inviting because Easter is behind us on the calendar. The message of the Cross carries the same power 365 days a year, 24/7! Keep inviting people to step into something that will change them forever! 

Stay faithful.
There is a reason why the Bible tells us the first church met together weekly in Acts Chapter 2. It strengthened the believer and it also grew the Church. It says they added people (Church growth) daily because the Church was faithful. Keep the pedal to the metal when it comes to Sunday service, CityGroups throughout the week, and daily prayer, worship, and Bible reading. Don’t get lazy because Easter is gone and summer is on the way! Keep growing in every season. 

(Note: When I capitalize the “C” in Church, it’s because I am referring to THE worldwide Church, the bride of Christ whom He is coming back for!)

For the “FTG” (first time guest):

Come again! 
Seriously, go back and try it again! In most cases, someone is going to remember you by your second or third visit. (This is an especially good reason to read my second point here - go to the connections center at your church and let them know you are there. We call ours The Hub.) It’s huge when someone makes a personal connection within a church family. People actually want to go to church where they have friends. I promise you will find your people if you keep coming. When you find a friend that follows Jesus, you’ve most likely found someone that is going to encourage you, pray for you, hold you accountable, and help you grow closer to Jesus! So, come again...because you’ve got a friendship waiting on you! 

Make yourself available.
Fill out a connection card so the church leaders can connect with you. This is the best way to find out more about the vision of the church, how to get going on discipleship, and where you can begin to help! (Yep, I’m already inviting you into ownership! That’s how Jesus did it.) You need to know and understand the vision of your church if you are going to truly call it “home.” You need to be available for discipleship because that’s what the Church is called to make - disciples. You need to become the Church, not just go to one. Ownership keeps your passion up. It also requires you to keep two things a priority: the Father and people. When you begin to serve in your church, you must keep your relationship with the Father growing consistently. If not, your heart will grow hard and callous towards people. The Father and people are always a priority when it comes to ownership within the Church family. 

Find another church.
Really. If you didn’t like the one you visited, go try another one! Just because one church wasn’t “your type,” doesn’t mean another isn’t. Trust me, you need the Church and Church needs you! Don’t wait until Christmas service to try again. Go visit another one this week. If that’s one isn’t for you, try another one. Ask around. Eventually, you will find a place to call home. Just one thing, make sure you aren’t showing up looking for the “perfect church.” People are the Church, so you will always see imperfections in the church building in Sunday, at least until Jesus returns for His bride. Try not to be so critical. I say find something authentic that speaks to you and jump all in. Whatever you do, keep going to church until you find something real.

Here are three things I personally look for in a church:

1. Preaching from the Bible

2. Passionate worship together

3. Serving their city

Those three things that tell me the church is alive, advancing, and on mission. 

Don’t let your faith get into a slump after Easter! A wise man once told me what you feed grows and what you starve dies! Feed your faith and fuel the flame of what God wants to do through you in community.

We’re kicking off a new season of CityGroups at Bold City Church! This is one of the most exciting times of the year to us because it gives people who haven’t yet had a chance to realize the power of being in life-giving community centered around Jesus the opportunity to do just that. So here’s 5 ways, whether you attend Bold City Church or not, I think you can truly get the most out of your church small group.

Face your fear. It could be of meeting new people, going to a stranger’s home, or being real with people you are not sure you can even trust. Regardless, it’s going to take faith to face these fears. If you find yourself getting anxious on the way, just stop and pray this: “Holy Spirit, I need supernatural faith right now. Your word tells me I need community. Give me the faith to be obedient to that.”

Be consistent. No matter what kind of growth a person seeks, consistency is the key to it actually happening. You can’t get strong by going to the gym occasionally. We didn’t get a good education just going to school every now and then. We won’t grow as a disciple only showing up to CityGroup when it’s convenient. If you really want to grow spiritually, you need a family to help with that. CityGroup is that family. If it matters to us, we will make time for it. 

Leave your mask* at home. In other words, be REAL. Take a chance, show up, and be vulnerable. People are drawn to authenticity. We can tell when people are being real! Someone in your group could have already battled what you are currently facing. Your healing could be on the other side of your honesty in CityGroup. Our group leaders are trained and called. They are there to help you become more like Christ and they are prepared to help protect your vulnerability. The closest and strongest groups are the ones who have been vulnerable with each other.  
(*Metaphorical mask - if you’re immunocompromised or feel especially vulnerable to COVID, by all means wear your face mask to CityGroup if you want. It’ll just make it a little harder to eat all that good food!) 

Join in on the prayers. Don’t just sit on the sideline when the CityGroup prays, jump in. If you’ve never prayed out loud or in front of people, you might be wondering how to pray! CityGroup is the perfect, safe place to learn! 

Spend time together outside of group night. Exchange numbers with a brother or sister in CityGroup. Fellowship together, encourage them with a text or call, pray for them throughout the week. This helps strengthen relationships and it helps the group grow quicker. When people really start caring about each other, the prayers get powerful, the word impacts us deeper, accountability strengthens our walk, and the food gets better! Amen! 

Jesus is coming back for a family, may we be found fellowshipping and growing together! 

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT

If you’re thinking to yourself, “This all sounds great! This is something I need in my life. Sign me up,” then head over to our website to sign up for a CityGroup near you! You just might meet the family you’ve been waiting on all along.

We live in a time when our thoughts and opinions can be shared throughout the world at a moment’s notice, with little to no accountability. Because of that, it can be easy to forget that we will all have to give an account for every empty word we have ever spoken.

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” 
Matthew 12:36-37

When I consider the fact that John 1:1 describes Jesus as the Word, it convicts me of how many times I have used my words judgmentally, hastily, sarcastically, and even carelessly.

Some of us spend a lot of time considering the right words to say, the right tone to use, and the right time to speak. God’s Word tells us that it is not only what we say and how we say it that are important. What is equally important is what we choose not to say.

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”
Ecclesiastes 5:2

I have often been guilty of being very sarcastic with my words. I have frequently said things without thinking about how another person will perceive it. Unfortunately, that has led me to make some careless statements in haste without genuinely considering how they would be received.

On their own, these statements may seem harmless and well-intentioned:

• God won’t give you more than you can handle.

• God does everything for a reason.

• God is in control.

But to the person who was just diagnosed with cancer...to the person who is planning funeral arrangements for their spouse, child, or parent...to the person who has miscarried for the 3rd time…to the person who has just lost their job…

…these well-intentioned words can be heartbreaking and devastating.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18

You see, God always speaks purposefully into our lives. He doesn’t waste words or speak without reason. Each and every word in scripture has significance and power. Therefore, we must never underestimate the power of our own words which can be life-draining rather than life-giving.

Because God is our Comforter, and we are created in His image, we naturally have a strong desire to comfort others. For many of us, that comfort involves speaking words of encouragement. However, when people are in the midst of tragedy and experiencing overwhelming pain, it can often be our Spirit-led actions that speak louder than our words.

Jesus used His words to bring life and hope to people. When there were no words to say, Jesus listened. He wept with those who wept, served those who were hungry, ate with those who were rejected and persecuted, and healed those who were broken.

We must follow the example of Jesus. How can you breathe life into the people around you with silence, by ministering with a hug, a listening ear, a helping hand, or simply your reassuring presence?

There are many types of boundaries in life - most with a great and specific purpose. For instance, physical boundaries keep our bodies safe and whole, emotional boundaries keep our mind from being overburdened and overwhelmed, and professional boundaries help ensure that we adhere to a moral code without letting our work lives bleed too much into our home lives. But, the thing about the boundaries we create is - they end up defining who we are. They enforce the limits of what we will and will not do and they draw the lines so that others will do the same. 

Have you ever been through a time when it seemed like life was coming at you from all directions and the weight of it could almost crush you? Have you ever felt pulled in so many different directions that, surely, you would just be torn to pieces? Most especially in a season of business, the demands of life can make it seem like you are spiraling through your days completely alone and they often try to pull you from the one person that can provide you the strength and peace you long for - the Holy Spirit.

You see, Jesus himself created boundaries.  He knew that the only way to carry out His purpose was to stay aligned with His Heavenly Father through a personal and consistent relationship. He often got alone to pray (Mark 1:35) and encouraged the disciples to do so as well. (Matthew 6:6) He rested even in the midst of chaos (Mark 4:38) and allowed others to come to Him instead of chasing after them. (John 10:40-41)

What if you could give yourself the gift of setting healthy boundaries this holiday season? A lot of us second guess our boundary setting capabilities. We think...what if I say “No?” What if someone reeaally needs me? What if no one else will do it? 

But, Jesus had far more resting on His shoulders than you or I will ever experience, and yet He set boundaries with joy in His heart, peace in His soul, and a calmness that permeated through Him to those around Him.

Jesus also allowed others to take part in their own healing - a great example to us that we can equip those around us, but they too must do their part. In John chapter 9, we encounter a blind man who must venture to the pool of Siloam where he was to wash the mud from his eyes. (John 9:5-7) Jesus didn’t actually wash the man’s eyes for him. He simply instructed him what to do and the rest was up to the man.

You might be struggling with saying “no” today, but I would encourage you to reframe your thinking. What if instead, you said “yes” to freedom from being at the mercy of others? What if you had time to be listening and available when the Holy Spirit urges you to move? What if, by not doing something, you give someone else the opportunity to walk in what God is calling them to do?

When we understand who we are in Christ and Him alone, we can begin to understand that our identity is not determined by how much we do, how many people we help, or how successful we are in our careers. Placing Godly boundaries in our life doesn’t limit us at all, but setting boundaries actually brings us closer in relationship with the One who most deeply desires us.