Have you ever gotten that eerie feeling that someone was watching you? It feels uncomfortable and you look around but you don’t see anyone. But, they are there. They are the little nuggets we call children. You see them playing and you don’t realize they are watching and listening, but they are. They are watching each and every move we make. They are listening to every word we say. Children are like a human Alexa. All the time, they are tracking and recording us. 

Being reminded of that, what is your first thought? Do you think “Oh no, they are watching and mimicking me?! They have a front row seat with no obstructions blocking their sight or hearing.” 

Let me ask you, Mom and Dad, what are your mannerisms like? Do you speak in a respectful way to each other or do you have a sarcastic tone? If you are being honest with yourself, is your home a happy place? Are you patient or do you snap? Are you consistent in showing unity or are you divided? Are they seeing the love of Jesus on display? Are you being affectionate with them? Are you helpful and encouraging? 

Simply put, every day you are building your child’s template for life. You are laying the foundation for your children to build on. The only question is...is it a solid foundation? Have you laid out a good template?

We all want to leave our children a good inheritance. I’m not talking about a monetary inheritance but rather a foundational inheritance. In this world where we experience more lies than truth, more hate than love, and more fear than joy, you have an opportunity to carve out a template that points them to the magnificent love of Jesus. But, here’s the catch: they have to see the love of Jesus in their home first each and every day and not just occasionally.                                               

In my 74 years, I’ve learned that if you put forth very little effort, you get very little back. But, if you work hard at doing what is right the results can be astounding.

Parents, if you work together at home getting those dreaded chores accomplished, children sense unity and experience peace with no harsh words. When they see affection and respect, they feel safe. When they hear strife and see a deficit of affection, they feel insecure.

Raising kids and shaping their legacy is a very serious responsibility God has placed on you. It’s not a matter of bringing your “A-game” because it’s not a game. Being a parent is a life-changing decision on your part to be the best example you can be. It’s all about the template you choose to lay out for them. Why not make it the best template you can possibly give them?

In Matthew 19:13 Jesus says “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to each of these.”

Do not hinder them. Let them see and experience those things that point them straight to Jesus. Our testimonies are useless if they are not pointing our children to Him.                              

You see, our spouses and children are a generous gift from God Himself. We must treat them with that in mind. God hand picked them just for you. If you don’t have a spouse or children yet, but wish to one day, why not start living now in such a way that will be an example for future generations? We must always treat those we hold most dear with love and respect. When we do, that love and respect will be returned many times over as you watch the fruit of a beautifully created template blossom!

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 

God speaks to us all in so many ways. He most often speaks to us in prayer and through the reading of his word. But, He can also speak to us through the people He has placed around us in our lives and even through our dreams. Lately, I think my favorite way that God has chosen to speak to me is through my child. He’s taught me lessons through my son that have been life-changing for me, shifting my heart forever. 

Take this Halloween, for instance. While taking my son trick or treating with a group of friends, God spoke clearly to me. As we set off around the neighborhood, he told me adamantly that he did not need me to bring his stroller. I should have used my mother’s intuition and realized that a three-year-old wouldn't be able to keep up with all the others as we walked over two miles. But, I let him convince me that he could be a big boy and hang with the older kids. 

When we were about half way through, he began to get so tired that it caused him to fall behind. He wanted badly to keep up with the older kids but he just couldn’t. I tried to hurry him along so we could catch up, even skipping out on some of the houses along the way to make our way closer to the group. Because of all the rushing, he no longer enjoyed the moment. The joy he had when we were leisurely walking and enjoying our time together was gone because we were trying so hard to keep up with everyone else. It was in that instant that I clearly heard God's voice. 

So many of us do this very same thing in life with the seasons we face. We try to rush through times that might not seem as important as what we think our next season will look like and we don’t enjoy the small things along the way because we are so focused on what’s next. We also battle the mindset of “Keeping up with the Joneses.” God reminded me how we often compare our lives, seasons, or walk with God with other people who surround us because we think our journeys should look exactly the same. But, nothing could be further from the truth. 

As Baxley and I began to slow down again and just enjoy being on the journey together, we laughed so hard that I could see the joy and life brimming out of him once again. Once we made it back to our starting point, all the kids began to compare candy and I noticed that Baxley didn’t have some of the same goody bags as the others. One of the moms described the house they got it from and I realized it was a house we skipped when we were trying to catch up. Because we were trying so hard to keep up with everyone else, we missed out on some of the bigger treat bags. The way we trick-or-treated that night is a great picture of how many of us spend our lives. 

When we try to speed up the season that we are in, we can miss the blessings that God has lined up for us because we are rushing instead of turning our attention to what He is trying to do in our lives. 

As I reflected on our night, it reminded me to choose joy and thankfulness in every season, every situation, and in every circumstance as I look for God and what he is trying to teach me. His timing is perfect, His hand in our lives is perfect, and all we have to do is remain in His will and allow Him to guide every step we take. 

If there’s one thing I have learned in ministry that I empathize and relate to the most...it’s that a lot of us are walking around with father wounds. Not a week goes by in my role as a Connections Pastor that I don’t have a conversation with someone about depression, anxiety, relationship issues, substance abuse and more roadblocks, especially around the holidays! I’ve often found that the culprit is an unresolved and deep hurt or a complete lack of relationship with their earthly father. That lingering hurt can manifest itself in so many different ways. But, at the root of all of it, we all crave a father that loves us unconditionally. We were created to want a father to tell us he’s proud of us and to accept us even with all of our faults and shortcomings.

I can speak to this because I’m a product of divorce. My parents broke up when I was two years old, so I never was able to see a mom and dad in a loving, healthy marriage (that’s another blog for another day). I went to ten different schools, yes ten, growing up. My mom mostly raised me and my younger brother and we would see my dad about every other weekend. He was a good father, for the most part. He never abused us and was physically around most of the time. 

That’s important to note because most of us understand the ills and trauma that come from having an abusive or absent father. But, I read a book on parenting once that introduced me to a third option, “Anonymous,” and it completely shifted my thinking. While my father wasn’t abusive or absent, he was definitely anonymous. One definition of anonymous is “lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction.” My dad was there physically, but he was never there emotionally. He never said things like “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” He never showed me how to treat a woman one day. He was truly an anonymous father. Through the years, I have learned I am not alone in having an emotionally absent dad. Many of us have grown up with these types of fathers and experienced this hurt. 

If that’s you, I have good news to share! Whether you grew up with an abusive, absent, anonymous parent or even if you had none of those and your dad was amazing, we all have access to a Heavenly Father that loves us beyond what we can fathom.

William Paul Young, the author of The Shack (amazing book on forgiveness by the way, yet another blog for another day) said the following: “My relationship, for example, with my father -- very difficult, and very painful. It took me 50 years to wipe the face of my father off of the face of God.” 

How many of us continue to do that today? We take our relationship with our father, whether good or bad, and we place his character onto the character of God. But, our earthly fathers, even the great ones, pale in comparison to our Heavenly Father. In fact, you can’t even compare them at all. The Bible says we are all evil compared to God! Jesus gave us a glimpse of this in Matthew Chapter 7. 

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11

The Bible records two times where God speaks directly to Jesus in an audible voice. The first time is in Matthew 3:16-17. God says, “This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” The second instance is recorded in Matthew 17:5 when Jesus took Peter, James and John to a mountain to speak to God. This time God says, “This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Sound familiar? God says the exact same thing in two entirely different instances. I personally believe that these weren’t the only two times God said this to Jesus. I believe this is something He would say over and over, because that’s the kind of Father He is. He’s the kind of Father that will constantly give us these three things; acceptance (you’re my son/daughter), adoration (whom I love) and affirmation (I’m well pleased with you). 

So whether your dad was always there for you physically and emotionally, you had an absent father (which sadly applies to 1 in 4 children in our country right now), an abusive father, or anonymous father, know this: You have a Heavenly Father that loves you more than you can ever imagine. He wants to take all your pain and hurt and heal you completely. Why? So that you walk in freedom and purpose. So that you can find other hurting brothers and sisters and lead them to the only Father that can truly give us what our heart longs for.

Here’s a worship song to help you enter into God’s presence today and lean on Him to be your Heavenly Father: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQOcUizZuQ