Getting Up After a Season of Mourning

(Check out “Part 1 - A Season of Mourning” before you read this post.)

Last week, I talked all about allowing yourself to mourn your loss. Now, I want to talk about how to get back up after loss. By “getting up,” I mean simply picking your emotional (and sometimes physical) self up and getting back to the Father's business after grief. If you read part 1 last week, you know that loss is inevitable. Mourning and weeping are not a problem, there is a time and a season, though. So what does getting up from a season of mourning look like? 

Getting up from repentance.

Accept the Lord’s forgiveness and forgive yourself for the wrongs you have committed. Don’t allow unforgiveness of self to stifle what God wants to do through you.

• David did not forever live in the anguish of his sin. He repented to the Father and then got back to the Father’s business. In Psalm 51 he prayed, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” He not only asked for forgiveness but asked for joy and declared that he would teach others.

• After Peter denied Christ, we see in John 21:15-17 that Jesus reinstated him. Jesus shows us here that not only did he forgive Peter but he told Peter to get back to the Father’s business.

Getting up from the mourning of a loss.

Allow God to heal the brokenness from loss (loss of a loved one, a dream, a possession). Don’t allow the sorrows of life to keep you down and out from what God has for you. 

• 2 Samuel 12:20-25 “Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.”

4 Things that come with getting up:

1. Peace

In our own strength it is difficult to go on when faced with the sorrows of life. But when we go to God, He brings peace. After David mourned, repented, and got back up God gave him Solomon (seen in 2 Samuel 12). Solomon’s name means “peace.” 

• 1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

• Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

• John 16 Jesus tells his disciples that they will weep and mourn, they will have grief, but their grieving will turn to joy, a joy that no one can take away. In verse 33 he says “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2. Blessings

The Lord gave Solomon the name “Jedidiah.” Jedidiah means “blessing.” 
Luke 6:21 says “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”

3. Miracles

John 11:35-44 shows us that Lazarus was raised after Jesus got up from weeping. Jesus felt the weight of losing a friend and once we got up from mourning a miracle came.

4. Ministry (the Father’s business)

Ministry is feeding and taking care of the sheep. As we read earlier, in John 21 when Jesus reinstated Peter he told him to feed and take care of His sheep.

5. Salvation

After Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead John 11:45 says “Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.” 

No matter what your processing looks like there will be a time to mourn and a time to dance. 

By “getting up” I mean cleaning yourself up and getting back to the Father's business. This does not mean that you now have no attachment to that which you have lost. It means you have allowed the incomprehensible peace of our God to overcome you. 

Other scripture on peace: 1 Peter 5:6-7, Philippians 4:6-7, John 16:33

“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
… a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance” 

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 NIV

mourning noun (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

mourn·​ing | \ ˈmȯr-niŋ  \

Definition of mourning:

1. the act of sorrowing

2. a: an outward sign (such as black clothes or an armband) of grief for a person's death
   b: a period of time during which signs of grief are shown

---

Some time in 2019, during a Sunday morning worship set, I told our church congregation that I sensed they were in a season of mourning. I gave a brief summary of 2 Samuel 11 & 12 in the Bible and then told them that I felt their season of mourning was coming to an end. Little did I know, I was not only prophesying to them, but also to myself. 

Three passages that really stick out to me regarding this topic of mourning are 2 Samuel 12, Matthew 26 and John 11.

Right before 2 Samuel 12, in chapter 11, King David sleeps with another man’s wife, Bathsheba, and she becomes pregnant. To cover it up, he tries to have her husband, Uriah, come from battle to sleep with her. He refuses until the battle is over. So, David orders Uriah to be placed on the frontline of the battlefield where he is killed. Once Bathsheba’s time of mourning the loss her husband is over, David marries her and assumes his wrongdoing is covered. In 2 Samuel 12, the prophet Nathan comes for a visit and shows David the errors of his ways, telling him that the son born to him from Bathsheba will die. We see in 2 Samuel 12:15 that “David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.” 

In Matthew 26, Jesus is with his disciples at the last supper. During the last supper, Jesus predicts that Peter will deny him three times. And sadly, we find Jesus’s prediction come true. “...Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.” Matthew 26:74-75

In John 11, Jesus finds out his friend Lazarus has become sick and died. John 11:31-34  says, “When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

These passages reveal to me three things that can bring about a season of mourning:

Repentance (noticeable in 2 Samuel 12 and Matthew 26)

• David repented when Nathan showed him his sin in sleeping with Bathsheba and sending Uriah to be killed. 2 Samuel chapter 12:13 says, “David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord.”

• Peter feels the heavy weight of denying Christ in Matthew 26:75 where it states that he went outside and wept bitterly.

Loss (i.e. the loss of a loved one)

• In John 11, we see that “Jesus wept” when Lazurus died. He shows us that even while declaring the truth (He is the resurrection and the life) we still feel. Living in a fallen world will bring about pain. Even Jesus could not escape the sorrow that comes from physical death.

Unanswered prayers/Prayers answered in a way we don’t want or expect

• When David’s son was sick (in 2 Samuel 12) he did weep. He says in 2 Samuel 12:22 “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 

The similarity between repentance and brokenness is that you have to be honest about where you are at. No matter what your processing looks like there must be a time to mourn AND a time to dance. We live in a fallen world, even Jesus had a time to weep (with Lazarus, in the garden, and I have a feeling there were other times as well). You have to be honest with yourself and honest with God. There will be and should be a time of mourning, a grieving period.  If you avoid mourning because you are afraid of the intensity of brokeness and weeping you may become numb to the intensity of joy and dancing.

I had no idea when I shared from 2 Samuel with the Sunday morning congregation in 2019 that my husband Bryan and I would just a few weeks later experience the pain of having a miscarriage. In the middle of it all I thought “Why would God give that word to me knowing what we were about to walkthrough?” Through prayer and processing, I realized that I was simply prophesying into my next season without knowing it. I was learning myself that seasons of mourning will come and we will have to walk through them.

A friend of mine, after mourning the loss of her father, put it this way: “Any time you go through a bad season and you actually rely on God, letting Him comfort you, it brings you to a new level of closeness that you never would have had if you kept going the way you were going.” Each time I have finally broken down and allowed myself to mourn, I have seen immense breakthrough. I have seen God the Father in a whole new light.

I encourage you to take a look at yourself. Have you allowed yourself to mourn your loss? Do you need to repent, allow yourself to weep or be broken before God over a loss (loss of a loved one, a dream, a possession)? If you have a tugging that you need to go through a season of mourning, take some time to process. Pray, meditate on the word, worship, and talk to someone (this can be a friend, pastor, leader or counselor). Sometimes you just need a good cry and that’s okay. 

[Part 2 - Getting Up After a Season of Mourning coming soon…]

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I prayed. I believed. I quoted scripture. But the answer was still no. 

See, I’ve been told “No” in my life - by my mom, my boss, even my kids on occasion. But when God said no, it crushed me.

On May 12, 1997, five hours after her last doctor's visit, my wife died. She was twenty-eight and our son was only fourteen months old. We were the new youth pastors in a new city with our whole life to live. When cancer gripped her body, we tightened our grip on God. For eight months, we pressed in and claimed the promises of God. We believed with all our heart that God would heal her. But the reality of God’s answer came as we locked eyes that day and she stepped into eternity with the Lord. In that moment, everything inside of me died. I was crushed. 

So, how do you respond when God’s answer to your prayer is a resounding “no?” My life was shaken to the core: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The waves of sorrow, anger, and doubt fueled both my desire for more of God and my confusion over why in the world He would say no and allow her to die. I felt like I had failed her, failed at my faith, and failed God, because it was not supposed to end like this. But, I would soon learn that with God…there is always more to the story. 

As I stared into the unknown of what my life would become and felt the heavy weight of being a single parent, the Lord comforted me and called me out of the cold empty darkness of my grief and regret. Healing was a process of working through my hurts and grudges towards God. God’s presence, scripture, and my church family reminded me that I wasn’t alone. I remember telling God, “What do I do now? My best friend is gone.” His response not only shook me, it captivated me. Our Heavenly Father said, “Randy, I thought I was your best friend.” 

I have learned that God’s no often means that God knows. The Lord has an answer for all your questions, because He has all the facts. When I criticized God for not healing my wife, His response was simple, “But, I did. I gave her the ultimate healing; she is with me.” It was in that moment that I realized God has no obligation to do things my way. Every believer in Christ should know the four main answers God gives to our prayers: yes, no, not yet, and not me (meaning this is your responsibility). Each answer has a purpose, because God knows there is more to your story. 

When God said no to my prayer, I began to re-examine His promises. What did God really say and mean? I found there is more to faith than getting what you want. After God said no, instead of giving up, I pressed in and eventually got a greater revelation of my perspective, trust, source, and desire - what I call a case of godly PTSD! Perspective is about seeing the bigger picture with God, because His ways are not our ways. Trust is about being all-in with God, no matter what happens. It is about acknowledging His ways and not leaning on your own understanding. Source is about relying on God, not yourself. Finally, Desire is about wanting what God wants and realizing He should have first place in your life.* It took time, but I realized that God knows how to work it all out. 

The night my wife died is etched in my memory forever. With the paramedics, police, and funeral home attendants going in and out of my house, my pastor showed up and spoke a comforting, honest, and timely word to me. “Randy, I don’t know why this is happening, but I know Who will get you through it all,” he said. He quoted Mark 9:49 which tells us that every Christian’s life will be salted with fire. And that fire will refine and strengthen you. As painful as that experience was, God’s “No” did not mean that He was giving up on me. 

Because God knows what is next. During this same season, a beautiful woman named Gina was also grieving the death of her beloved husband and God’s apparent “No.” In time, she would move to my city and attend our church. Our friendship has turned into an amazing twenty-years of marriage. She adopted our son and raised him as her own. She is great friends with my first wife’s mom and has been intentional about helping our son know as much about his mother as possible. We are partners in ministry, and together we have a daughter. God’s “no” means that God knows what is next and will work it out, even if we never fully understand how or why.

Maybe God is saying no to you today because He knows more about your story than you do.

*Isaiah 55:8-9, Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:13 and Matthew 24:13, Colossians 3:1-2 and Philippians 2:5-9