Recently, I was driving to work, minding my own business, and a semi-truck unexpectedly pulled into my lane.  With about 5 feet between the front of my car and the rear of the trailer, my view of everything ahead was blocked.  I had an awesome view of that trailer but other things like upcoming traffic signals and other cars were totally blocked.  Because I drive this route daily, I knew that we were very close to an intersection and all I could see was this huge trailer.  With almost no thought, I took my foot off the gas pedal, checked my rearview mirror, and glanced to my right to see if I could change lanes.  

My reaction to the truck is a no-brainer now. However, that wasn’t always my reaction. I can remember times shortly after I started driving that my reaction was to get as close to the back of the truck as I could and hope that we both made it through the intersection without getting hit.  During those early years of driving, I thought getting close to the truck and hoping for the best was the way to go.

Fortunately, through experience and training and seeing how others reacted, I’ve learned a much better way to handle this type of situation.

Life is a lot like that drive to work.  One minute you’re cruising along minding your own business and the next minute a semi-truck is in your lane.  Many times, my reaction has been to get as close to whatever the problem was and simply hope for the best.  Again, through experience and training and seeing how others have reacted to life’s problems, I’ve learned a much better way to address them when they come up. 

Know that trouble and problems will come your way.  Call it “defensive driving” for life. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 
John 16:33

This doesn’t mean walking around just waiting for the next hammer to fall.  It means to live confidently knowing that no matter what happens, God is in control!

Know the rules of the road. 

Arm yourself with biblical truth (scriptures) that will produce calm, confident responses to all situations.  There are many verses that give comfort and direction when we face a trial.  Here are some verses that we can use as prayers during the situation: 

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” 
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

“And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Psalm 50:15 (NIV)

Take your foot off the gas pedal. 

Intentionally slow down and try to create space between you and the situation.  This slow down gives you time to seek God’s will regarding how He wants you to address the issue. Many times, this change of perspective will bring possible solutions into view. 

“But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

Look all around for a way out. 

Whether it’s backward, to the side, or straight through, God will provide a way for any situation. 

“We all experience times of testing, which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust him more, for along with every trial God has provided for you a way of escape that will bring you out of it victoriously.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 (TPT)  

This verse doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t be knocked down.  It doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t be hurt.  It means that God can and will help us up.  He can and will heal us.  Lastly, what seems like utter failure in my life can be used by God to bring about a victory in someone else’s situation.

Learn from experiences, both your own and the experiences of others.

Life is an ongoing lesson and we should never stop learning. When I started driving, I felt that the best reaction to that semi in my lane was to get as close to it as possible and hope for the best. I know now that was far from a good plan. By the grace of God, I learned a better way gradually instead of having an accident.  The most eye-opening moment I can recall was being in the car with someone else driving who reacted in a much more appropriate manner.  When we keep ourselves surrounded in Biblical community, we get to see how our brothers and sisters in Christ face life’s up and downs. It gives us the chance to teach and learn from each other. 

“In the human body there are many parts and organs, each with a unique function.  And so it is in the body of Christ.  For though we are many, we’ve all been mingled into one body in Christ.  This means that we are all vitally joined to one another, with each contributing to the others.”  Romans 12:4-5 TPT

One of the most amazing things about this formula of being as prepared as possible, being grounded in the Word, slowing down to seek God’s direction and will, recognizing and utilizing the solution He will provide, and remaining in community is that it works in all situations. Good or bad, big or small, it works. If we do our part, God will do His part. The catch here is that, like all skills, this takes practice. If we think of and use this formula as a failsafe, we are missing out. If we continuously apply this formula to our lives as our “Plan A” it becomes a lifestyle.

If I apply the driving analogy to my life to determine growth, I’ve come a long way. I started out with flawed, panicked, sometimes dangerous reactions to life’s unexpected twists and turns. Now, my reaction is much more controlled….by Him. I’m learning to follow the formula. Eventually, as I drive through this life, I’ll be constantly scanning front to back, top to bottom. Always, looking for what life brings, big or small good or bad.  Always seeking and applying God’s will to what life offers.  Always fully engaged in Biblical community, leaning on and supporting my brothers and sisters.  And I won’t even be distracted by the radio.

My driving is better than it used to be, but I want it to keep getting better.

How’s your driving?

Getting Up After a Season of Mourning

(Check out “Part 1 - A Season of Mourning” before you read this post.)

Last week, I talked all about allowing yourself to mourn your loss. Now, I want to talk about how to get back up after loss. By “getting up,” I mean simply picking your emotional (and sometimes physical) self up and getting back to the Father's business after grief. If you read part 1 last week, you know that loss is inevitable. Mourning and weeping are not a problem, there is a time and a season, though. So what does getting up from a season of mourning look like? 

Getting up from repentance.

Accept the Lord’s forgiveness and forgive yourself for the wrongs you have committed. Don’t allow unforgiveness of self to stifle what God wants to do through you.

• David did not forever live in the anguish of his sin. He repented to the Father and then got back to the Father’s business. In Psalm 51 he prayed, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” He not only asked for forgiveness but asked for joy and declared that he would teach others.

• After Peter denied Christ, we see in John 21:15-17 that Jesus reinstated him. Jesus shows us here that not only did he forgive Peter but he told Peter to get back to the Father’s business.

Getting up from the mourning of a loss.

Allow God to heal the brokenness from loss (loss of a loved one, a dream, a possession). Don’t allow the sorrows of life to keep you down and out from what God has for you. 

• 2 Samuel 12:20-25 “Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.”

4 Things that come with getting up:

1. Peace

In our own strength it is difficult to go on when faced with the sorrows of life. But when we go to God, He brings peace. After David mourned, repented, and got back up God gave him Solomon (seen in 2 Samuel 12). Solomon’s name means “peace.” 

• 1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

• Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

• John 16 Jesus tells his disciples that they will weep and mourn, they will have grief, but their grieving will turn to joy, a joy that no one can take away. In verse 33 he says “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2. Blessings

The Lord gave Solomon the name “Jedidiah.” Jedidiah means “blessing.” 
Luke 6:21 says “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”

3. Miracles

John 11:35-44 shows us that Lazarus was raised after Jesus got up from weeping. Jesus felt the weight of losing a friend and once we got up from mourning a miracle came.

4. Ministry (the Father’s business)

Ministry is feeding and taking care of the sheep. As we read earlier, in John 21 when Jesus reinstated Peter he told him to feed and take care of His sheep.

5. Salvation

After Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead John 11:45 says “Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.” 

No matter what your processing looks like there will be a time to mourn and a time to dance. 

By “getting up” I mean cleaning yourself up and getting back to the Father's business. This does not mean that you now have no attachment to that which you have lost. It means you have allowed the incomprehensible peace of our God to overcome you. 

Other scripture on peace: 1 Peter 5:6-7, Philippians 4:6-7, John 16:33

“Let it work for you.” This was a phrase I heard often from the director of the women’s and children’s ministry that I served at during my internship in bible college. I was a twenty-something with a big heart to serve God combined with a truckload of attitude that had yet to be dealt with. I was working in a ministry whose purpose was to help women who had been caught in the grips of life-controlling behaviors and substance addiction be set free, so they could begin to walk in freedom and be able to be the women God had called them to be. Much of the teaching and training was on heart issues - like pride, envy, jealousy, deceit, anger, rebellion, etc. that lay at the root of their life-controlling problems. 

Our director was a straight shooter. She had a strong Jersey accent and didn’t have time for nonsense. She knew the power that the truth of God’s word held, and she wanted to see it activated in the lives of the women she served and led. She didn’t sugarcoat much and could see through excuses that the ladies made for not making important changes. Newsflash: she was consistent and would shoot straight to the staff and interns as well. Let’s face it, we all have issues and hurts that need to be healed. Some of us, more visible than others, but all of us need healing. I was also a straight shooter, but much of my shooting was through an undisciplined mouth who always had an opinion about everything. (I know, I’m still a work in progress.)

I struggled with God often and the environment of structured rules (because many of these women needed structure) caused my rebellious heart to want to speak out on every issue. I didn’t always use my words, but in my heart I would rage against ‘dumb rules’ and processes that didn’t make sense, seemed outdated, or I thought were irrelevant. I didn’t fully embrace the reality that God was using this time to expose the issues in my own heart. 

In almost every interaction I had with our director, whether it was one-on-one or in a group setting she would say things like: “that’s just your pride,” or “let it work for you” or “it only hurts because your flesh doesn’t want to die.”  I would get so irritated by the trite phrases that felt minimizing to the significant issues my heart would raise. Didn’t she care that changing your life hurt? Where was her compassion for my concerns? 

Hit Fast Forward

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT

I’m now in my forties and if you’d have told me even two years ago that my life would look like it does now, I would laugh at you and say, “NOT A CHANCE!” Nothing in the last several years has turned out like I had planned. My path hasn’t been anything I predicted, and I’m currently doing things I said I would never do. Sure, I could blame it on a global pandemic, if I believed that what we see is all there is, but I believe that God is working something much deeper in my heart. I would guess you believe that as well. 

I have heard the phrase “Paula, let it work for you,” in a thick Jersey accent echo in my heart more times than I can count these last few months. I know that Holy Spirit has brought it back to remembrance because He is reminding me of a truth and promise that He is working all things (even the stuff I hate, would never choose on a normal day, and the disappointments) together for my good.  Good rarely feels good, but it is beneficial. 

I looked up the word “beneficial” and this is what I found: favorable or advantageous; resulting in good.

Resulting in good….meaning the starting point may not be good. The middle may not feel good. However, the end result will be good. This reminds me that we’re in a process of growth. Whether we are starting something new, navigating challenges or needed changes, transitioning from something or facing what seems insurmountable, we can be sure of this: it is working for our good. 

So what is our response? Let it work for you. What seems like it’s working against you, what feels wrong because it hurts, the season you’re in that you hate, LET IT WORK FOR YOU. Ask God what it is that He is trying to remove, resurrect, or begin in you that feels like it is against you. Reaffirm your confidence in Him that He is for you, and then, let Him do his work in you. Embrace it. Trust His process. Let him root out the things in your heart that need to go to make more room for Him.

It’s going to be good. You can trust Him. If nothing else, You will gain more of Him which is the goal anyway. So hear me, in a thick Jersey accent say to your heart, “Friend, let it work for you.”

The moment I sat down, I knew it was a mistake. When they buckled me in, my fears confirmed it! Then I looked at the smiling faces of my son and daughter next to me and knew I could do it. Do what? As the rollercoaster ride began, my heart dropped as I thought about all the things that could go wrong. All the “what ifs” overwhelmed me. What if the seatbelt unlocks and I fall out? Or the track comes apart and we crash? Or a bomb explodes? Obviously, none of it happened. In spite of the twists and turns, ups and down, and screaming (lots of screaming), we stayed on track, finished the ride, and had a blast. 

What unknowns are you facing today? Is it something to do with your health, finances, school or family? Is it the aftermath of a death, a divorce, or a broken heart that just won’t heal? Maybe you just got married or started a new job. Stepping into the unknown is scary, unsettling, and intimidating. It stirs up all kinds of insecurities and inabilities because the unknown is so…well…uncertain, unfamiliar, uncontrollable, unexpected, and uncomfortable. 

The unknown will isolate, manipulate, & dominate your mindset if you let it. It will paralyze you and feed your fears. I’ve learned that the unknown amplifies the why’s, how’s, when’s, and where’s. 

But, the key to conquering our unknowns? It’s in the Who. 

Overcoming the unknown and thriving in your current season is possible when you place your hope in the One who knows all things and can make all things work out. (Romans 8:28) Our trust is not in how it will work out, but in Who has worked it out. 

And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Matthew 14: 25-31

Here we see the disciples in the middle of a storm, weary, scared, and overwhelmed, and they think they see Jesus walking on the water towards them. Peter says, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water. [Jesus] said, Come. So, Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.” He trusted who more than what. Because Jesus said “Come,” Peter stepped out of the boat, past his unknown, and into the certainty and sovereignty of Jesus. 

Jesus comes to them in their storm. He calms their hearts before He calms their storm. Conquering our unknown comes in capturing the heartbeat of Jesus and trusting him with each step we take. It was walking on the Word from God that made walking on the water even possible. 

Simply put, we must trust the Father and obey what we know. So, what do we know? We know that God tells us to pray, worship, learn, serve, give, forgive, encourage, and love others. God sees the bigger picture, and like Jesus did, He invites us to trust him through the storm. The Bible is full of people who conquered their unknowns by trusting Who and obeying what they know to be true. 

• King Jehoshaphat prayed, “We don’t know what to do but our eyes are on you [Lord],” 2 Chronicles 20:2,12.

• As a teenager exiled and put to work for the king, Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the king’s food and to remain faithful to God’s ways, especially with prayer, Daniel 1:8; 6:13,21.

• Abraham demonstrated unwavering faith when God told him to leave his homeland (not knowing where to go) and that he would be the father of many nations at the age of 100, Romans 4:20. 

• Ruth faced her unknown with a dangerous step of faith in following Naomi back to Jerusalem, Ruth 1:16. 

We could talk about Esther, Joseph and Mary, and Paul, with all their hardships. To add to that, history is replete with more examples of men and women who conquered their unknowns; George Washington Carver, Abraham Lincoln, Amelia Earnhardt, Desmond Doss, Anne Frank, and Dr. Mae Jemison. 

As we each walk into our own unknown, here are some other things that we do know: 

• I will never leave you nor forsake you, Deuteronomy 31:6; Hebrews 13:5. 

• Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest, Matthew 11:28. 

• And his peace will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7. 

• Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it, Philippians 1:6. 

• Do not be weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up, Galatians 6:9.

What unknowns are you facing? You can capture the heartbeat of Jesus by trusting and obeying God even in your season of unknown. Your victory is on the other side of your obedience. You’ve come so far, and God has never lost a battle. You don’t have to worry about the unknown when you have a relationship with the One who knows it all. Stop trying to control everything and take the next step with God. Can you hear it? Jesus is calling to you, “Come,” just as you are. 

Recommended listening: As You Are, Life Church 

The first thing you must know is that I was a tried and true church kid growing up. Like if you click the hashtag #churchkidz, my face would probably pop up. During that time in my childhood, I was involved in something called RA’s (Royal Ambassadors) and we would have periodic track and field days and other outdoor activities. My favorite part of all this was race day. You see, I was prepared for race day. I was excited for race day. I had all the gear: shoes, sweat bands, running shorts, everything you need! And I thought I was truly ready. Come to find out, I wasn’t even prepared.

We got to the starting line. As the whistle blew, I took off running! But, about halfway through the race, I started to get a cramp and I didn’t get to finish. Anti-climatic story, I know. But, it taught me something. One thing I can tell you for sure that no one celebrates is not finishing something you started. No one is happy to leave a story untold, a goal unaccomplished. 

You might not be stretching your hamstrings for your next track and field day, but we’re all in a race of some kind! Everyone’s race is set at a different pace. Some of us are lazy and some of us are unaware of the goal and purpose of our lives. Some of us are even busy running the wrong race. All the while, the world around us is also racing - trying to see how fast and how much they can accumulate and gather up for themselves. 

It’s important to know your lane as a believer and run the race that is marked out for you!

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. 
Colossians 4:2 NIV 

For example, let’s look at the apostle Paul’s race. Paul (then Saul) was busy killing Christians until Jesus saved him and then he went everywhere telling people this good news of Jesus. He faced extreme difficulties as a result of that. Even still, he often cautioned believers to remind themselves, as he did, of what Christ Jesus saved them from. 

“You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus. And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” 
Acts 20:20-24 NIV

Good news is not good news because someone else told me about it...it’s good news because it changed me! Paul knew he was graced to run his race. And you are graced to run yours! 

How was he able to do this? Paul stayed thankful. He was committed to finishing his race with a spirit of gratitude and thanks. 

I don’t know your circumstances. But, I do know it can be hard to keep a posture of a grateful and thankful heart when life’s difficulties come calling. Here’s a few ways you can make sure you finish it thankful this year like Paul. 

1. Keep perspective (never get over being saved) 

If you want to remain thankful heading into the end of 2020, remind yourself what He saved you from. I was saved at a young age, but I still got the revelation that God could save me from what I haven’t even gotten to yet! 

You see, God is the Author and Finisher. This means that God has written the course of your life. Now you have a choice to stay on that course or run away from it. And yet, God is so good that He can redeem our bad choices that derail us and put us right back on course. He even knows where the finish line is.

The amazing part of all this is that God also doesn’t choose to run our race for us! In fact, Jesus came and ran His own race that we all should have had to run. But He did it instead so that we could be graced to race in our own lane for his glory. Your race is unique. It’s not about finishing first. It’s about finishing well. One way to do that, is to finish it thankful. 

Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first. 

 “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.” 
Matthew 20:16 NLT 

“Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadow boxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NLT

2. Know that it’s not trying...it’s training. 

Thankfulness isn’t something we just come by naturally, unfortunately. You don’t TRY it and have it, you TRAIN for it and express it.

Our training is different in the spiritual realm than athletes in the natural. Our training is not duty, but devotion. But, devotion does not come without discipline. Don’t abandon (quit) the race, because you won’t be thankful!

3. Get the right people in your life.

I’m not running a lot of footraces anymore like I did as a kid, but my friends know that I am an avid cyclist. If you’re passionate about the sport like I am, you know that there is a significant difference between cycling alone and cycling as a group. This is because of the concept of drafting.

Drafting is when a group of riders of three or more will ride in a single file line. The farther back you are, the easier it is to ride because you’re relying on the team in front of you to take the brunt of the wind working against you. Also, copying the rhythm of another rider’s pedal helps you to stay in cadence and in step as a team.

It’s crucial when riding together that everyone does their part and the benefit of thinking as a team and supporting one another can’t be overstated. But, when you get out of pace with the rest of the group, it not only slows you down, but it impacts the rest of the group as well. Now, everyone has to work harder. You need a team.

Trust me, when you’re about eighty miles into a bike race and you’re all alone, you’ll probably want to quit. You’ll question your endurance and start to feel like you’re in the wrong place. But, if you have a team around you encouraging you and supporting you, you’ll go a lot farther than you could’ve gone alone.

So don’t run your race alone! The people you run with will help you to finish thankful. You can’t live the right way with the wrong people! I’d rather be in the wrong place with the right people than to be in the right place with the wrong people.

Just take a look at Paul and Silas. They ended up in prison cells, and yet God used their trial for His glory because they knew how to praise and thank their way out of their circumstances. I don’t know where you find yourself today, but surround yourself with people who know how to be thankful in the good times and the bad. 

“Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.”
Colossians 3:15–17

4. STAY IN THE WORD OF GOD!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”
Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT

We run with endurance by keeping our eyes on Jesus. To do that, we have to be in the word of God to have a life of endurance! You can’t know God's will (course for your life) if you don’t know God's word.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

You won’t be walking in God’s will for your life and not be thankful! For the Christian who doesn’t know the importance of a grateful spirit, it’s time to adjust your course if you are not choosing to express thankfulness today.

Be thankful at the start. 
Thankfulness will get you through the middle.
And finishing the race is only worth it when you do it thankful!

I have learned that more often than not, I don’t need my situation to change to be thankful. Instead, I choose thankfulness and it changes me until I myself begin to get better. And that’s what God was wanting for me all along.

I pray you find the strength and grace to remain thankful for the rest of 2020, no matter what circumstances may come, as this is God’s will for your race! 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I prayed. I believed. I quoted scripture. But the answer was still no. 

See, I’ve been told “No” in my life - by my mom, my boss, even my kids on occasion. But when God said no, it crushed me.

On May 12, 1997, five hours after her last doctor's visit, my wife died. She was twenty-eight and our son was only fourteen months old. We were the new youth pastors in a new city with our whole life to live. When cancer gripped her body, we tightened our grip on God. For eight months, we pressed in and claimed the promises of God. We believed with all our heart that God would heal her. But the reality of God’s answer came as we locked eyes that day and she stepped into eternity with the Lord. In that moment, everything inside of me died. I was crushed. 

So, how do you respond when God’s answer to your prayer is a resounding “no?” My life was shaken to the core: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The waves of sorrow, anger, and doubt fueled both my desire for more of God and my confusion over why in the world He would say no and allow her to die. I felt like I had failed her, failed at my faith, and failed God, because it was not supposed to end like this. But, I would soon learn that with God…there is always more to the story. 

As I stared into the unknown of what my life would become and felt the heavy weight of being a single parent, the Lord comforted me and called me out of the cold empty darkness of my grief and regret. Healing was a process of working through my hurts and grudges towards God. God’s presence, scripture, and my church family reminded me that I wasn’t alone. I remember telling God, “What do I do now? My best friend is gone.” His response not only shook me, it captivated me. Our Heavenly Father said, “Randy, I thought I was your best friend.” 

I have learned that God’s no often means that God knows. The Lord has an answer for all your questions, because He has all the facts. When I criticized God for not healing my wife, His response was simple, “But, I did. I gave her the ultimate healing; she is with me.” It was in that moment that I realized God has no obligation to do things my way. Every believer in Christ should know the four main answers God gives to our prayers: yes, no, not yet, and not me (meaning this is your responsibility). Each answer has a purpose, because God knows there is more to your story. 

When God said no to my prayer, I began to re-examine His promises. What did God really say and mean? I found there is more to faith than getting what you want. After God said no, instead of giving up, I pressed in and eventually got a greater revelation of my perspective, trust, source, and desire - what I call a case of godly PTSD! Perspective is about seeing the bigger picture with God, because His ways are not our ways. Trust is about being all-in with God, no matter what happens. It is about acknowledging His ways and not leaning on your own understanding. Source is about relying on God, not yourself. Finally, Desire is about wanting what God wants and realizing He should have first place in your life.* It took time, but I realized that God knows how to work it all out. 

The night my wife died is etched in my memory forever. With the paramedics, police, and funeral home attendants going in and out of my house, my pastor showed up and spoke a comforting, honest, and timely word to me. “Randy, I don’t know why this is happening, but I know Who will get you through it all,” he said. He quoted Mark 9:49 which tells us that every Christian’s life will be salted with fire. And that fire will refine and strengthen you. As painful as that experience was, God’s “No” did not mean that He was giving up on me. 

Because God knows what is next. During this same season, a beautiful woman named Gina was also grieving the death of her beloved husband and God’s apparent “No.” In time, she would move to my city and attend our church. Our friendship has turned into an amazing twenty-years of marriage. She adopted our son and raised him as her own. She is great friends with my first wife’s mom and has been intentional about helping our son know as much about his mother as possible. We are partners in ministry, and together we have a daughter. God’s “no” means that God knows what is next and will work it out, even if we never fully understand how or why.

Maybe God is saying no to you today because He knows more about your story than you do.

*Isaiah 55:8-9, Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:13 and Matthew 24:13, Colossians 3:1-2 and Philippians 2:5-9