What qualities do you value most in a friend? I think your friendships make or break you. In fact, a recent Harvard study even concluded that people who isolated themselves are three times more likely to have an early death. 

Yes, anyone who has ever thrived in community can attest to the fact that friendships and relationships are a necessary component to a healthy life.

You see, I believe each of us have three types of friends: 

• Casual friends - you don’t know much about them and they come and go. 

• Close friends - you have more in common, love to hang out, and there is a meaningful connection. 

• Core friends - these are the in-it-to-the-end friends; the ones you trust, invest with, drop your guard around, and give total access to your life. 

In I Samuel 23:14-18, David needs an in-it-to-the-end friend. Although our core friendships may be few, all it takes is one to be a difference maker. Jonathan rises up to be this for David and demonstrates five qualities of a true friend for life! 

1. True friends are faithful, as we read in verse 16 of this story. Jonathan did not back off with David when times got rough. He willingly pressed in, strengthened David, and was faithful to their friendship. Faithful friends are dependable friends you can count on that stick closer than a brother, like Proverbs 18:24 mentions.  

2. If we continue reading in verse 17, we see that true friends are encouraging. Jonathan tells David not to fear. Encouragers don’t ignore the reality, but they do refocus on what is positive and how to strengthen a friend to overcome adversity. Hebrews 13:13 says encourage one another daily, so none of you will become hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. 

3. True friends are helpful. Jonathan tells David in this story, “I will not let him find you; I will help, support, and be here for my friend.” The writer of Ecclesiastes 4 says if one falls down, his friend can help him up…a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

4. Being sacrificial is part of being a true friend. Jonathan knew David was anointed by God to be the next king. But, he valued their friendship more than his own right to be king. He was willing to risk it all for his friend. Core friendships will cost you time, effort, convenience, comfort, status, and sometimes even money. Jesus says greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friends in John 15:13. This  friendship would eventually cost Jonathan his throne and his life, but he never gave up on David. 

5. True friends are direct. In one of several encounters where Jonathan followed through on his promise to be direct and tell David the truth about his father’s threats, he warns David in I Samuel 20:13. A true friend holds you accountable. I refer to this as “friendship friction:” As  iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17. At times, you need a friend to say the hard and painful truth spoken with love in order to build you up, not tear you down. Proverbs 27:6.

I hope I just described your spouse or your best friend. I hope I just described you. Either way, we all have some work to do, and a goal to strive for in being faithful, encouraging, helpful, sacrificial, and direct true friends. The real value of friendship is not in how many friends you have, but how many of these qualities the friends you keep have.

Give me a friend that will love me until the end, lift me up when I am down, let me in when I am out, labor with me when I am too tired, and let me have it when I am wrong. I only have a few people that know me and love me on that level, but that is enough. One is my amazing wife who is truly my best friend. 

Let me tell you about another: he is someone I met when I was just twelve years old. Forty-two years later, we are more than friends...we are brothers. Through our darkest and brightest moments, through valleys and  mountaintops, we’ve remained friends for life. I think it’s because we’ve strived to model a friendship like Jonathan and David, who exemplified so many times what it means to be a true friend. 

Let’s be honest, this is a hard list for any friend to live up to all the time. And only one ever did. He is the only one who can truly offer you all five qualities and more every second of every day. His name is Jesus...do you know him? He’s the greatest friend you’ll ever know. He laid down his life for you and nothing can separate you from his love. He will always be there for you and all you have to do is reach out and receive. In John 15:15, Jesus says I no longer call you servants, I call you friends. I have chosen you. 

I leave you with this reminder and challenge: if you want a friend for life, then become a friend for life.

Have you ever read about Martha in the Bible? I can relate to Martha in so many ways. If I’m totally honest, I am Martha! Maybe you are, too. 

I love reading about Martha and her siblings, Mary and Lazarus! What an incredible “real life” story we have available to us from the books of Luke and John. One of the things I love most that this family was known for is that they were close personal friends of Jesus. He seemed to enjoy spending time with them in their home. Martha hosted Jesus and the disciples on more than one occasion.

So, like any good “Martha” would do when you know that company is coming, you want to make sure the house is clean and smells good and is welcoming. You want to prepare your best meal. You want to make sure to serve that dessert you are famous for! The coffee is always ready and there are several delicious creamers to choose from….am I right? Are you starting to see yourself in this picture at all? 

While there was really nothing wrong with Martha preparing the meal that would be served and making sure her home would be comfortable and welcoming for her guests, she chose to remain busy and in so doing, missed the best part! She forgot to sit and enjoy the presence of her guest. Her dear friend Jesus was in the family room! 

Martha even felt comfortable walking into the room and complaining to Jesus about her sister Mary! (That part is a little amusing, actually.) She needed help in the kitchen and she was hoping to get Jesus to see things her way - maybe even reprimanding Mary for not helping to  prepare and serve the meal. But, that’s not at all what Jesus did. Instead In Luke chapter 10 we read what Jesus did say to her...

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.’” 
Luke 10:38-42

In other words, a simple meal would have been fine. There was no need to go to all that extra effort, right? She was so worried about the serving and the perfecting that Martha took her eyes off of her Savior. In the busyness of “doing,” she lost her peace. 

I have to admit that this is me on so many occasions! Maybe you love to entertain, have people over for dinner, or just invite a friend for coffee. Maybe you go a tad bit overboard when you know someone is coming to stay for a few days, driving everyone around you crazy while you’re striving for perfection. You see, Mary chose the “good portion.” She didn’t want to miss anything that Jesus had to say while He was in their home. 

But before we are too harsh on Martha, I think it’s important that we notice something else about her in John, chapter 11: 

“Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany; the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, ‘Lord, he whom you love is ill.’ But when Jesus heard it he said, ‘This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” ……. 

Next, we see an amazing statement of faith from Martha...not Mary! 

“Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha said to him, ‘I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.’ Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, although he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?’ She said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.’”

Notice that when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she got up and went out to meet Him! Mary, on the other hand, remained in the house in grief. Can’t you just sense Martha’s boldness in this text? “Lord, if you had been here …” 

We often overlook Martha’s faith in the statements she made. She firmly believed that had Jesus been there, her brother would not have died! And yet, in verse 22 note that her faith is still very much alive. “But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you”  I love that...an “even now” bold faith. Martha believed that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of God who had come into the world! Martha’s faith was rewarded that very day as her brother Lazarus was miraculously resurrected from the dead. 

Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus, to listen, and to just lovingly be in His presence. She chose to worship Him. But, I like to think that Martha learned a valuable lesson from her sister and her dear friend Jesus on the day of her service in Luke Chapter 10, too! I believe she learned the balancing of her acts of service with her worship. 

Why do I believe that?  When all seemed lost, we see that Martha trusted her Lord! And she understood who He was. I especially love the way the Passion Translation phrases it in the Book of John. 

“Then Martha replied, “Yes, Lord, I do! I’ve always believed that you are the Anointed One, the Son of God who has come into the world for us!” 

Finally, in John 12, we see Martha serving...the right way. 

“Six days before the Passover began, Jesus went back to Bethany, the town where he raised Lazarus from the dead. They had prepared a supper for Jesus. Martha served, and Lazarus and Mary were among those at the table. Mary picked up an alabaster jar filled with nearly a liter of extremely rare and costly perfume—the purest extract of nard, and she anointed Jesus’ feet. Then she wiped them dry with her long hair. And the fragrance of the costly oil filled the house.”

Again, Mary was at the feet of Jesus. Martha was serving. But, this time Martha is not complaining or demanding help - she is simply serving her dear friend Jesus! Isn’t it so true when our attitude changes for the better, the very atmosphere around us changes? Martha is such a powerful life lesson. May we too always remember the crucial “balance” of service and worship to our Savior Jesus, The Christ, The Anointed One, The Son of God! 

Recently, I was driving to work, minding my own business, and a semi-truck unexpectedly pulled into my lane.  With about 5 feet between the front of my car and the rear of the trailer, my view of everything ahead was blocked.  I had an awesome view of that trailer but other things like upcoming traffic signals and other cars were totally blocked.  Because I drive this route daily, I knew that we were very close to an intersection and all I could see was this huge trailer.  With almost no thought, I took my foot off the gas pedal, checked my rearview mirror, and glanced to my right to see if I could change lanes.  

My reaction to the truck is a no-brainer now. However, that wasn’t always my reaction. I can remember times shortly after I started driving that my reaction was to get as close to the back of the truck as I could and hope that we both made it through the intersection without getting hit.  During those early years of driving, I thought getting close to the truck and hoping for the best was the way to go.

Fortunately, through experience and training and seeing how others reacted, I’ve learned a much better way to handle this type of situation.

Life is a lot like that drive to work.  One minute you’re cruising along minding your own business and the next minute a semi-truck is in your lane.  Many times, my reaction has been to get as close to whatever the problem was and simply hope for the best.  Again, through experience and training and seeing how others have reacted to life’s problems, I’ve learned a much better way to address them when they come up. 

Know that trouble and problems will come your way.  Call it “defensive driving” for life. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 
John 16:33

This doesn’t mean walking around just waiting for the next hammer to fall.  It means to live confidently knowing that no matter what happens, God is in control!

Know the rules of the road. 

Arm yourself with biblical truth (scriptures) that will produce calm, confident responses to all situations.  There are many verses that give comfort and direction when we face a trial.  Here are some verses that we can use as prayers during the situation: 

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” 
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

“And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Psalm 50:15 (NIV)

Take your foot off the gas pedal. 

Intentionally slow down and try to create space between you and the situation.  This slow down gives you time to seek God’s will regarding how He wants you to address the issue. Many times, this change of perspective will bring possible solutions into view. 

“But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

Look all around for a way out. 

Whether it’s backward, to the side, or straight through, God will provide a way for any situation. 

“We all experience times of testing, which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust him more, for along with every trial God has provided for you a way of escape that will bring you out of it victoriously.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 (TPT)  

This verse doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t be knocked down.  It doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t be hurt.  It means that God can and will help us up.  He can and will heal us.  Lastly, what seems like utter failure in my life can be used by God to bring about a victory in someone else’s situation.

Learn from experiences, both your own and the experiences of others.

Life is an ongoing lesson and we should never stop learning. When I started driving, I felt that the best reaction to that semi in my lane was to get as close to it as possible and hope for the best. I know now that was far from a good plan. By the grace of God, I learned a better way gradually instead of having an accident.  The most eye-opening moment I can recall was being in the car with someone else driving who reacted in a much more appropriate manner.  When we keep ourselves surrounded in Biblical community, we get to see how our brothers and sisters in Christ face life’s up and downs. It gives us the chance to teach and learn from each other. 

“In the human body there are many parts and organs, each with a unique function.  And so it is in the body of Christ.  For though we are many, we’ve all been mingled into one body in Christ.  This means that we are all vitally joined to one another, with each contributing to the others.”  Romans 12:4-5 TPT

One of the most amazing things about this formula of being as prepared as possible, being grounded in the Word, slowing down to seek God’s direction and will, recognizing and utilizing the solution He will provide, and remaining in community is that it works in all situations. Good or bad, big or small, it works. If we do our part, God will do His part. The catch here is that, like all skills, this takes practice. If we think of and use this formula as a failsafe, we are missing out. If we continuously apply this formula to our lives as our “Plan A” it becomes a lifestyle.

If I apply the driving analogy to my life to determine growth, I’ve come a long way. I started out with flawed, panicked, sometimes dangerous reactions to life’s unexpected twists and turns. Now, my reaction is much more controlled….by Him. I’m learning to follow the formula. Eventually, as I drive through this life, I’ll be constantly scanning front to back, top to bottom. Always, looking for what life brings, big or small good or bad.  Always seeking and applying God’s will to what life offers.  Always fully engaged in Biblical community, leaning on and supporting my brothers and sisters.  And I won’t even be distracted by the radio.

My driving is better than it used to be, but I want it to keep getting better.

How’s your driving?

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.”
Jeremiah‬ ‭17:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Is it just me or does it seem like the most brutal questions you’ll ask yourself start popping up about 0.5 seconds before you fall asleep?

As someone who has struggled with confidence and has confronted serious moments of self-doubt, I’m bombarded with the brutal questions fairly often. “Am I good enough? How could I mess that situation up today? How can they really love me? What if this life just goes away?” The two verses immediately before the verse above in Jeremiah mention what we sign up for when we rely too much on ourselves and put all of our trust there. 

“This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land.”
Jeremiah‬ ‭17:5-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A few nights ago, I was drifting to sleep and the word “confidence” popped into my head. So, I started praying to God about confidence before the questions could start showing up. Following that up with a swift Google search for scriptures on confidence, I found myself studying these verses as God started speaking to me.

He showed me that if our confidence is misplaced, our potential is stunted. And worse than that, when we put our trust in the wrong thing, we set ourselves up to live in a place of death. You see, confidence issues don’t always present themselves the way you expect them to. They can manifest in your thinking too little of yourself or even thinking too much of yourself. 

Whether it’s self-loathing or self-importance, self-degradation or self-inflation, it’s all self, really. If you don’t think you’re good enough or you think you’re too good for something, it’s all based on what you think. It’s putting your word over the Lord’s. 

Can I share one of the most freeing truths in the world if we could just grasp it? What we think about ourselves pales not only in comparison but also in importance to what God thinks and says about us! 

What God showed me is actually what confidence is centered around. Look at the word:  C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E.

The middle two letters are ID: your identity. It’s not our confidence that the enemy calls in to question, but our identity. If we base our identity on our own definitions of success or happiness, it can destroy us. And it’s not just based on who we are, but also in what we do. I’m a drummer. If I base my identity and therefore confidence in my ability as a drummer, what happens when someone better comes along? That one stings because I’ve lived it. I’ve put all of my eggs into a basket that just got tipped over. Or, what if someone is a better speaker than you? Or what if someone has this seemingly natural gift to attract friends? Or what if you’ve been serving your heart out for years on the same serve team or at work and someone comes in for what feels like 3 weeks and is thrusted into leadership?

An identity and confidence based on ourselves lashes out or shuts down. But, an identity and confidence in Christ wants to see glory go to God, not to self. A confident heart rooted in a firm foundation of identity in Christ will see people who could replace them as a reason to party, not panic. This truth can change how we serve one another. Basing our identity in how we see ourselves and what we do can crush us when we fail. God won’t fail. When we base our confidence and identity on God and His word, we will be blessed. 

We will thrive. 

“They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”
Jeremiah‬ ‭17:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We’re kicking off a new season of CityGroups at Bold City Church! This is one of the most exciting times of the year to us because it gives people who haven’t yet had a chance to realize the power of being in life-giving community centered around Jesus the opportunity to do just that. So here’s 5 ways, whether you attend Bold City Church or not, I think you can truly get the most out of your church small group.

Face your fear. It could be of meeting new people, going to a stranger’s home, or being real with people you are not sure you can even trust. Regardless, it’s going to take faith to face these fears. If you find yourself getting anxious on the way, just stop and pray this: “Holy Spirit, I need supernatural faith right now. Your word tells me I need community. Give me the faith to be obedient to that.”

Be consistent. No matter what kind of growth a person seeks, consistency is the key to it actually happening. You can’t get strong by going to the gym occasionally. We didn’t get a good education just going to school every now and then. We won’t grow as a disciple only showing up to CityGroup when it’s convenient. If you really want to grow spiritually, you need a family to help with that. CityGroup is that family. If it matters to us, we will make time for it. 

Leave your mask* at home. In other words, be REAL. Take a chance, show up, and be vulnerable. People are drawn to authenticity. We can tell when people are being real! Someone in your group could have already battled what you are currently facing. Your healing could be on the other side of your honesty in CityGroup. Our group leaders are trained and called. They are there to help you become more like Christ and they are prepared to help protect your vulnerability. The closest and strongest groups are the ones who have been vulnerable with each other.  
(*Metaphorical mask - if you’re immunocompromised or feel especially vulnerable to COVID, by all means wear your face mask to CityGroup if you want. It’ll just make it a little harder to eat all that good food!) 

Join in on the prayers. Don’t just sit on the sideline when the CityGroup prays, jump in. If you’ve never prayed out loud or in front of people, you might be wondering how to pray! CityGroup is the perfect, safe place to learn! 

Spend time together outside of group night. Exchange numbers with a brother or sister in CityGroup. Fellowship together, encourage them with a text or call, pray for them throughout the week. This helps strengthen relationships and it helps the group grow quicker. When people really start caring about each other, the prayers get powerful, the word impacts us deeper, accountability strengthens our walk, and the food gets better! Amen! 

Jesus is coming back for a family, may we be found fellowshipping and growing together! 

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT

If you’re thinking to yourself, “This all sounds great! This is something I need in my life. Sign me up,” then head over to our website to sign up for a CityGroup near you! You just might meet the family you’ve been waiting on all along.

Have you ever been asked to lead a team at work or as a volunteer that requires a high level of creativity? If so, you may have felt on occasion like you were herding cats. You see, unseen creatives can compound that experience, often taking the form of technically-minded introverts, expected to be the first ones in and last ones out without ever taking the platform or standing in the spotlight. But, care must be taken when leading such a team, lest you become a revolving door, losing people as fast as you take them in.

Unseen teams, at their core, are facilitators. Over the years, I’ve picked up on a few lessons that have helped me foster “ride or die” teams filled with people who are better at what they do than I am. I want to share two of these game-changers with you.

Let me tell you Mark’s story. 

Mark has been far from God his whole life...but today’s different. He finds himself walking down to the altar, stepping out in faith. The message compelled him to action and for the first time in his life, he feels the tangible presence of God calling him home.  On his knees, he gives himself to Christ. The music swells as he closes his eyes and begins to worship his heavenly father. A few verses in, Mark realizes he doesn’t quite remember the words to the next part of the song… not knowing what to do next, Mark opens his eyes.

Thankfully for Mark, Alex has his back. Hidden off stage, Alex is attentively leading the lyrics for the service. As Mark’s eyes focus, he’s immediately greeted with just what he needs to step back into his life-changing moment with his Heavenly Father.

Mark might have lost the moment had it not been for Alex. Because of Alex’s servant heart, she played a pivotal role in facilitating Mark’s life-changing story.

I’ve shared this story more times than I can remember, and I share it every time I bring on a new visuals controller to join our team at Bold City Church. Once they understand their opportunity to facilitate a supernatural encounter, it sets the bar for ministry and helps them understand the great stewardship expected of them. Giving your unseen teams something worth investing in is one of the most powerful tools for attracting potential leaders. And I do mean leaders.

In order to build a strong unseen team, before skillset is considered, we must first set out with the goal of building a team of servant leaders truly bought into your vision. This is true at home, at work, on any team, and for us, at church! This is the very model Jesus imparted:

“...You will lead by a completely different model. The greatest one among you will live as the one who is called to serve others, 27 because the greatest honor and authority is reserved for the one with the heart of a servant. 28 For even the Son of Man did not come expecting to be served by everyone, but to serve everyone, and to give his life in exchange for the salvation of many.”
Matthew 20: 26-28 TPT 

The second game-changer in building an unseen team is investing as much in their spiritual development as you do in their skillset. This pays great dividends in the long term and will help you turn a team showing up out of obligation into a ferocious team ready to invest in an opportunity. The heart has to come first.

Constantly fostering your team’s secret place is paramount. Maybe you don’t work on a church staff like I do. But, perhaps God can give you an opportunity to pray for your employees or teammates. Pray for chances to influence your team with the love of God and you won’t regret it. 

Once the heart is anchored and the focus is set, the hands will be at the ready. Out of that foundation, your team will naturally begin to explode and instead of herding cats, you will find yourself unleashing a unified creative force for good in the world.