New Season
Once all the gathering of school supplies, picking out backpacks, and buying new clothes was finished, reality finally sank in. After seven years of homeschooling, this season was officially coming to a close. My boys would be going to school for the first time in their lives.
On the morning of the first day of school, I was a wreck. I couldn’t eat breakfast and to make matters worse, I couldn’t even drink my coffee. The kids and I listened to worship music and sang together the entire way to school. We did their familiar daily affirmations and prayed to Jesus. I could feel the emotions inside me welling up. As we approached the front of the school, one of the teachers helped the boys get out. After a few “I love you, see you later” exchanges, I slowly put the car in drive and pulled away. In my rearview mirror, I could see my sweet boys watching my car get further away from them.
Holding onto my last glimpse of them, I drove off sobbing. There I was, crying in the car while navigating so many emotions - thankful for the opportunity for my boys to be in a great school, sad that I would no longer be there for all their firsts, excited that they would be experiencing something new, and nervous for this uncharted territory. You name it, I probably felt it. But most of all, I felt scared. I was scared of what they would be exposed to. I had intentionally held them so close to me all these years because I knew I could protect them there. In arms reach, I could shelter them from an increasingly invasive culture that was often different from what we wanted to teach them. I was scared of the possibility of them being bullied. I was scared they would start to grow distant as we spent less time together.
After many minutes on this roller coaster of emotions, I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath. I knew that I could stay there, right in the deep abyss of my emotions. It would actually be the more comfortable choice to camp right there in my feelings. But, I had a choice to make. Realistically, I knew I needed to cling to Jesus. I would not be able to navigate this one alone.
I needed Him.
I desperately desired Him actually.
I turned on worship music and sang as loud as I could to our good, good Father. I knew in that exact moment that I would get through this and so would my boys. Not because of anything I could do for myself or anyone else could do for me, but because I knew that He would see us through it. The hot mess mama that I was and still am, He loves deeply.
His love demolished all the fear and insecurities I was walking through that morning.
We have come into an intimate experience with God’s love, and we trust in the love he has for us. God is love! Those who are living in love are living in God, and God lives through them.
1 John 4:16 TPT
The longer I worshiped, the more confident I felt about this new season. I didn’t necessarily have confidence in myself, the boys, my husband or even the boys' new school. It was confidence knowing who God is! I knew that He had a plan for us. I knew I would see our breakthrough. Until then, I would be praising Him for He is and what He has planned!
Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
Psalms 103:1-2 NLT
As the morning drop-offs continued throughout that first week and into the second week of school, I still pulled away with tears in my eyes. I continued to praise Jesus, wholly surrendered and clinging to Him. By the third week in, we had a breakthrough! I received a message from one of my son’s teachers. It read like this:
“Mrs. Stafford, Thank you for the supplies that you sent in. I wanted to share with you that your son has forever changed my life. Today, a classmate was crying due to aggravation during the spelling test. Your son got up from his seat without hesitation, put his hand on his back and said these words: ‘It may not be ok right now, but it will be because Jesus is for you. Jesus, help my friend not be sad. Amen.’ I cannot begin to explain how your son’s faith and trust has changed my view of God. Can you tell me again what church you go to? I am thankful for your family.”
As I read this message, tears of joy streamed down my face. At the same time God was giving us breakthrough, He was using it for someone else, too. Our new season was about so much more than just us, it was for the Kingdom! I am confident that God is working even when we cannot see it or feel it.
Let me encourage you today in your season: praise Jesus until your breakthrough happens! Even when it seems impossible, lean into Him. He loves you! Trust Him. Believe that what He has planned for you is good. Thank Him because He knows what you need. Pray that your new season will advance the Kingdom.